Lived Experience Forum

[Sans911]

Acceptance is a great feeling isn't it @Appleblossom? I'm glad you had a nice day at the zoo. That's lovely to hear.

I'm only going to doing one shift a week when I go back to work as a nurse. I don't have the physical capability or mental strength to go back full time. And that would be diving in the deep end without a rope.

[Appleblossom]

One shift a week is a great reboot and very sensible.

Hugs @Sans911 

[outlander]

@Sans911 💜💜

[eth]

Hey @Sans911   dipping your toes in the water re going back to work sounds like a much better idea than diving in at the deep end.  Hope it goes well for you.

[Sans911]

Thanks @eth. You're very thoughtful

[Zoe7]

@Sans911 How did your meeting with the agency go today Hon? Been thinking of you all day and hoping it wasn't as nerve racking as you expected it to be. So proud of you for getting back out there and finding where you stand and what you need to do to get back into work 

[Sans911]

Evening @Zoe7

Thanks for thinking of me. I've had quite a busy day, so I've just now sitting down catching up with the forums and other things.

My meeting with the agency was good, and I found the recruitment person quite pleasant and approachable. I had to disclose why I hadn't worked for over 2years,and I only put down my major depressive disorder. It would have been too confronting and difficult to explain BPD. I was honest as much as I could be about the reasons why I stopped working for the agency without going into a lot of detail. I still have quite a few things to do, forms that need filling and competencies to complete, but it seems there's no major hurdles (yet) to jump to starting shifts again. I won't be at the hospital that barred me for a while, so it's yet to be seen what happens when I do eventually turn up there.

I still feel though at some point I'll get an email or call to say 'ahh, actually we made a mistake. We can't and do not want you back' . In some way I feel a bit of a fraud. I know I've not done anything significantly wrong, I've not harmed a patient or willingly damaged equipment. But there's other things I'm accused of that I can't really share here that I feel have permanently labelled me as a problem. I'm likely overreacting and over thinking things, but I'm quite ashamed at times of the things I've done to myself and the repeated expectations I've had of needing to be 'rescued'. I know, I can hear you now as I write this. I know I was in a very bad way, very dysregulated and distressed. But the shame and trauma lingers. And stepping back into the work environment where people have seen a side of me they never knew will be difficult (for me and them). Although I hope they will have empathy and compassion, I also know some will judge me harshly without a second thought.

On a much better, brighter note I've received an email today from the mh support worker job I applied for last week. I've been short-listed for an interview and have been asked if I be interviewed this coming Friday.

I'm really stoked, but catious not to expect too much. The last interview I went for a couple of years ago was a disaster. I should never have gone to it as I was in a bit of a state at the time. But I desperately wanted the job. Of course I didn't get it.

So I'm going to look after myself well this week. Lots of self care, rest, doing nice things for myself and others. So by Friday I'm still OK and ready. That's the plan anyway.

How are you doing tonight after my ramblings?

Evening also @outlander @Snowie @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Teej @CheerBear @Faith-and-Hope @Appleblossom

[Snowie]

@Sans911so good to hear things went well and great news for the interview on Friday.

Understandable you have some doubts but exciting times ahead.

Well done hun, you should be proud of yourself.

[Sans911]

Thanks @Snowie. This mh support worker position is what I've coveted for some time. And it's with an organisation I know fairly well, they know me and I like their values. I struggle with interviews so hopefully they'll be kind. And I am one of many who have applied, do I just gave to be me and do the best I can.

[outlander]

So proud of you for getting through today,your amazing. Good luck with the interview on friday too! @Sans911 💜💜

@Snowie 💕💕