Lived Experience Forum

[Eden1919]

@RICH1  thanks but i dont live in victoria 

@Bow  I am sorry you are struggling with that too it really is a horrible thing to live with. 

[Fifee]

@Bow Hi, no you wouldn't have seen me around before. This is my first post.

I just joined the forum this week. 😊

[Bow]

Well welcome @Fifee  😀 hope that you find some lovely people here as I have found and that you feel supported. 

[Eden1919]

I spoke to my psychologist about how bad the eating issues were getting and she said she didnt know how to help me with them. so now there is another person who cannot help me and doesnt know what to do. and i tried to call the buttefly foundation because i was really not ok last night and the phone line wouldnt connect so i guess this is all a sign that i am meant to continue living in this hell forever. 

[Bow]

Hey @Eden1919  im really sorry that reaching out for support has not got you the support you need and deserve. I really wish that there was more than I could do, but I am here, willing to listen and encourage you. 

Would getting support through Telehealth be an option? I know that you said that you live in a small town and support is very limited. Would finding a psychologist that is experienced in eating disorders that would see you via a zoom appointment work for you? 

I hope it's ok to leave this link also. My previous psychologist and my current one have both given me hand outs from this website and the information is really good. https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Disordered-Eating  

I've actually not had much luck getting through to the butterfly foundation on the phone either, I have though found that first thing in the morning has been the best time and mid afternoon. Keep trying though. There is also the online chat line.

sitting here with you @Eden1919  💕

[Bow]

I've really been struggling with excessive exercise lately, it feeds into my eating disorder and wanting to change the way that I look, not being happy with my physical appearance, it gives me a sense of achievement when I can reach goals that I set for myself, needing to punish myself, but mostly at the moment it is helping me cope with some significant trauma responses. 

I know that I exercise far too much, my healthy self knows that and my dietitian really challenged me about it yesterday. She asked me how much I felt was enough and I said my healthy self knows that an hour a day is sufficient, which she agreed. But when she continues by talking about setting myself a goal of just doing an hour, I... or my eating disorder self got really annoyed and upset. I didn't like that someone was telling me what to do. 

I did eventually come to an agreement that I would only exercise during the day while my daughter was at school, as I want to be more present with her. And that after a set time I would get off and see how I feel instead of just going to the point of exhaustion.

It's the weekend, so my daughter is home, but I set myself a limit today, which I have been able to stick to and we have then done something nice together. Although I am really anxious and itching to get back to it, I really want to try and not get back on the bike today. I'd like to listen to my body and rest for the remainder of the day. 

I also had something for lunch today. It wasn't much,  not sufficient, but I at least had something which is a huge achievement for me at the moment. 

Small wins 💕

[Eden1919]

@Bow  I am already doing telehealth with someone in another state and it took me ages to find someone i click with so i dont want to change psychs right now. I will have a look at the website.

@Bow  well done on the small wins today even if it was a huge struggle for you. I also struggle with exercising it can be really hard to reduce. 

[Bow]

Totally understandable, it's important that we have someone that we click with. I hope that she is helping you in some ways @Eden1919 

And thanks @Eden1919  im really struggling tonight. 

[Eden1919]

@Bow  yeah she helps with other stuff. whats troubling you tonight? I am also really struggling tonight. 

[Bow]

I'm glad she's helping with other things then @Eden1919  sometimes working on other things can actually help with our EDs. 

I just desperately want to engage in unhelpful and unnecessary ED behaviours. My healthy self knows that I don't need to do it. I've done enough today. But my ED is screaming at me so very loudly that I do need to compensate and I'm feeling irritated by people around me. I think I will go take a shower and get ready for bed, hopefully that will help some.