Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Sophia1]

@Determined

I think that it is great that you made the phone call  to catch up with this potential friend....

I know how that feels when you look forward to the company of someone with whom you can relate....having mixed feelings at the same time...

Fishing would be a great option as you can both blend into your environment and keep the conversation around what you are doing as well as the spot where you are...

I wish you all the best for what will be some very special time for you...

One last thing...Try hard to not allow your thoughts to take you to a place of guilt or worry about your family during this special time..reel those thoughts in..is that the fishing expression? throw the line back out and enjoy ...

I hope that you don't mind me posting here and interrupting your flow of conversation...

take care

[Determined]

Always happy for you to post here @Sophia1, you such a caring person who has so much to offer, your thoughts are always appreciated 😊

[Determined]

Feeling a little relieved tonight,

On the way to work this morning I received a text message from my darling indicating that thoughts of suicide had returned, she has been going to bed at night hoping she would not wake up in the morning. She was also upset and resenting that she had committed to having coffee out with a friend. Thankfully she didn't cancel and went to meet her friend then on the way home stopped and spent time with her parents. (At least I could breathe easy at work knowing she was with adults). By the time I got home at lunch time she was looking more content. Tonight when I got home late she had cooked dinner even though I was going to and was ok and happy with doing that. Much to be relieved and thankful for, 

I still do need to be vigilant though at the moment but less anxious than I was this morning. 

Alarm bells were ringing a week or so ago when she sweetly asked wasn't I sick of getting her meds out every night and couldn't I just leave them out.  I hate sounding cynical but when she is sweet about things like that it is usually calculated and with an ulterior motive ☹  this morning confirmed my fears. Thinking I need to move meds to a more secure location, they are locked away atm but would not be impossible to get into if she was determined. 

We have some family events planned over the next couple of days so hoping that will cheer her up. 

[Determined]

Well we are on the edge of a new crisis here at the moment. We are at the point again where I am not happy to leave my darling alone which means we missed church again this morning. 

I was on the verge of calling police/ ambulance last night. The fact that she believed I would do it settled things down. That indicates to me that there is an element of control involved over the behavior. 

That and she got her own way. It was all triggered by the fact she wanted takeout and I said we could not afford it. In the end we just went and got takeout. It was not worth the trauma over $30.

She was initially quite smug asking what the police were going to do. When I said hopefully have her admitted to hospital she settled enough that it was not necessary.

I thought she had busted my knee when she threw a piece of furniture at me, thankfully it has come good this morning. Hoping it holds up when I start moving around. 

[Former-Member]

@Determined  

I am so sorry to hear this Bro.

Domestic violence is not OK. 

Are you able to call 1800 respect to get some advice? 

[Determined]

That's about what it amounts to @Former-Member

[Former-Member]

Please get some advice @Determined , I repeat this is not OK for you or your boys.

I believe violence is a choice in BPD and patients have the capacity to learn not to do this. 

I think @PeppiPatty has some experience of this with her husband. She might be able to explain what she did.

I am praying that you will have strength and courage.

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @Determined, how are you? I haven't looked at former messages but thank you for re; ing me @Former-Member. Yes, I definitely got experience in this @Determined and will tell you what I did.......just a tic while I read up to date.......

[PeppiPatty]

GReat message @Sophia1....what good care you give @Determined......

Five years ago @Determined.... in 2013.....is that 5 years ??? Oh okay, in 2012, when we got married, my very beautiful and wonderful husband was full-on self-medicating and drinking like you can't believe and get the most awesome abuse from the Psych doctors etc......he ended up in jail for 9 months trying to quit self-medicating. What happened was we got married and he tried to quite self-medicating and the Doctors wouldn't put  him in hospital ....the Doctors decided that they knew him better than me, I was calling them ever silly day asking them just to put him in for just a week.......he ended up in jail for 9 months. 

Can you understand what I'm writing? Well, it gets worse. I'm blaming this hospital and that hospital 75% for him ending up in jail and 25% his own fault......he tried to bite a policeman's nose off when he was doing a welfare check. He was a fantastic policeman.....I don't usually like policemen but this one was good. 

So, I'm burning myself out and seeing Helping Minds for group therapy and single therapy and getting nowhere......no money, asking my Homeswest manager to drop over cheese bread and milk to my home because I had no money to eat........and he gets out of jail. The hospital puts him in the most secure section to get his meds ...... threatening that they will lock him up if any problems. Helping Minds people telling me to leave him or he would ......... but something in me.......I can't explain it......... he started self-medicating so I put a restraining order on him. 

I joined Sane Forums, quit helping Minds, joined another wonderful mental health group and went back to therapy and waited.

After 18 months, my Mum called me asking me to come over. my husband went to her church and gave her a card for me telling me he quit everything and he wanted to be friends. So for a year, we were friends when we got back together. He has never been naughty again. The bad hospital told him that he doesn't need to be there and sent him to the normal hospital to get meds. and a normal Psychiatrist. The bad hospital told us that it is very rare for someone to leave the forensic bit and move on. 

I'm not saying that it's easy. He is going through a difficult time right now. He is thinking that the radio is talking to him and the television and I need to be vigilant at a lot of things like keeping to a timetable and not backing out of things. I get laughed at by some people who think I do too much for him or others who dont think Im good enough but I dont care.  

[Appleblossom]

"smugness" is revealing.  Dont ignore it.. @Determined  It may not be whole story ...

There must be a better way to negotiate about money spent on food and cooking and mood.

Take Care mate