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Looking after ourselves

Casual Contributor

Support for my partner who has Borderline Personality Disorder whilst still keeping myself and my children safe

Hi Everyone,

 

I’m in a relatively new relationship, we’ve been together around 6 months. I have four young children from a past relationship. We’re in a same sex relationship.

 

I’ve always noticed that my partner experiences mental health problems, which surfaces in my partner being very angry, threatening self harm and shouting at me. I was coping for a while but now I’m finding myself becoming depressed and frightened at times. I cry most days because I just don’t know what to do. I’m also frightened to speak to my partner about her behaviour as she will usually become angry and start yelling.

 

This week she told me she experiences Borderline Personality Disorder. I listened and asked her how I can help and support her. She said she needs me to show her more intimacy. Last week we were sexually intimate several times. I tell her I love her everyday. But I feel that she doesn’t recognise any of these things that I do.

 

8 months ago she was released from prison, and I have totally accepted her past. She has said she needs time to adjust back into life which I have agreed to support by means of financially supporting her as well as emotional support.

 

The night before last was not a great one, but I stayed up with her talking until 4am. I had work the next day. During that day she has organised for us to visit one of her friends for drinks and to smoke pot. I don’t actually smoke it very often. I suppose I was just surprised that despite the previous night and our discussions around self care she then went straight to taking drugs. Also a lack of recognition that I had just worked 10 hrs with only 4 hours sleep, I was exhausted. She also went and purchased a large amount of pot which means she’ll be smoking during the day whilst I’m at work. I just found it very inconsiderate to do these things considering the discussion the night before. I fear she is not getting help and taking drugs which will only make everything worse.

 

She has previously threatened to take the car out after drinking, and so I find myself hiding the keys when she becomes like this. She has been so angry before that she has slammed a sliding security screen so many timed and so hard that it bent the metal. That was the most frighted I’ve ever been as I never know if one day her anger will turn to me. 

 

i really do love her but I feel I need to look after myself as well as her. But I do need her to be looking after herself too.

 

What can I do to support her?

What can I do to keep myself and my children safe?

 

Thanks in advance everyone.

5 REPLIES

Re: Support for my partner who has Borderline Personality Disorder whilst still keeping myself and my children safe

Hey there @RainbowUnicorn, thank you so much for posting. Please know you're not alone and the community is here to listen. Definitely a lot of the experiences you're describing here are symptomatic of BPD, and you indeed both deserve and need support with this; so again big props for sharing your story here on the forums Heart

 

At the end of your message you mentioned safety which is such an important word to use, because at a minimum in our lives each human being has a right to both emotional and physical safety. I would definitely recommend chatting to the team at our help centre for some info (their number is 1800 18 7263), also check out Project Air and SPECTRUM, as well as QLife. QLife are really good as an org, they have both chat and phone available from 3-10pm Heart

 

How are you feeling now after getting this all down on "virtual paper"? Speak soon!

Highlighted

Re: Support for my partner who has Borderline Personality Disorder whilst still keeping myself and my children safe

Thank you @nash for your reply. I do feel much better after sharing this. Most importantly I no longer feel alone. 

When I can get some time alone I will definitely contact the help centre you mentioned. I really do want to support my partner, but first and foremost I need to make sure I look after myself. After all if I’m not happy, it’s hard for me to provide the support my family so desperately needs.

after some messages today from my partner I have been able to articulate how I am feeling and the impact this is having on me. My partner has asked if we can talk tonight which I’ll be doing shortly. 

 

Thank you again and I’ll keep this post updated on how I go with everything.

Re: Support for my partner who has Borderline Personality Disorder whilst still keeping myself and my children safe

Hello @RainbowUnicorn and welcome to the forum

how are you and your family going today

@Determined

Re: Support for my partner who has Borderline Personality Disorder whilst still keeping myself and my children safe

Hi @Shaz51

We’re doing ok today thanks. The weekend has been good without any issues which I’m really happy about. We had a talk and my partner genuinely seemed saddened by the fact her actions were at times frightening me. She has agreed to see the doctor and start clinical psychology again. She’s also starting a volunteer role on Wednesday which is wonderful.

Im hoping this continue this way and she can get the help she so desperately needs. 

Re: Support for my partner who has Borderline Personality Disorder whilst still keeping myself and my children safe

That sounds great @RainbowUnicorn, one day at a time my friend

I will tag you in one of the other thread if you like , @Determined is in a situation like your`s

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