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Looking after ourselves

OneofUs
Contributor

Social stigma and self care

Hi all, I am new here and this is the reason I have joined. I had read some information on my diagnosis (PTSD) that informed that isolation was bad. I did not want to be bad, so I tried to be social over the Australia day long weekend. I live in a very small rural community and while I was mostly included within conversations, I was very quickly devalued. I have been ruminating ever since on some of the things they said and very much regret pushing myself to go out. 

 

Previous to my move, I was heavily involved in a childrens charity. I was an active volunteer, held a job and I very much miss the role I had before. But I got burned out and will not return to that particular job. I am feeling lost without a sense of purpose and no employment with very limited money and often go days without eating. I have been on the ball with my eating but am still searching for something more to fill my time with. I spoke with others about what my options might be in returning to work or finding a space to fit in socially here and over and over when I expressed my desires I was told "oh hun, you know you're not capable of that dont you?". It made me feel worthless and like I have no options as the things I want to do are percieved as too difficult for someone with mental health challenges. 

 

I spent some time meditating this morning, and while I do feel more peaceful now and have not had the intrusive thoughts, I am searching for ways to self sooth in the face of stigma. I am quite taken aback with the towns peoples opinon of me, as they assume I am useless and incapable of participating in activities that bring me joy. I definitely want to isolate myself again, to avoid the off hand comments that bring me distress. But at the same time I desire to be a part of something where I can contribute to the community and have some structure to life. 

 

Can any one relate or have any tips? How do I let the stigma roll off my back and carry on? I feel extremely weak for letting it get to me this much. 

18 REPLIES 18

Re: Social stigma and self care

hi @OneofUs

sorry your local townsfolk were cruel and ignorant about mentasl illness. You're not weak you're strong.

 

I avoid stigma by not telling anyone that I have a mental illness. It's hard sometimes when it's on the tip of my tongue to say, "but this is really hard for me, don't you understand I have a mental illness!?" I confide in my psychiatrist only & that seems to be enough. The rest of the time I can pass as "normal" now that I'm on good meds. Do you have a counsellor or psychiatrist you can talk to about you mental health?

 

I am a bit isolated & lonely but it helps to volunteer once a week and to meet new people through Meetup. I have to be careful sometimes when I volunteer because if I deal with someone a bit agro/stressful I get that burnt out/unwell feeling & it lingers. I am also learning to say no to new friends because I feel they take advantage sometimes of my caring/helpful side and again, I get that burnt out/unwell feeling for many days.

 

I live in a big city so there is a lot of volunteering & Meetups to choose from. It would be a bit harder for you in a small rural population but I'm sure there are nice benefits in the scenery & nature and such.

 

The other suggestion I have is finding a support group for anxiety. I used to go to one and you can talk about mental illness as much as you like and be as well or unwell as you feel on the day. I also think this forum will be a good support for you, there are lots of rural people. you may just need to reach out to them on lots of threads to introduce yourself so people can get to  know you. It's important to tag people (type  @  then the names come up and you choose the ones you want to tag).

Re: Social stigma and self care

Unfortunately the decision to disclose mental illness was not my own. I had an event last year after taking prescribed medication (as prescribed) and word gets around very fast in such a tiny town. I figured after that it was best to be upfront than risk them calling the police on me. I have had the police drag me from my home before (in the city) and it was extremely traumatic for me. I will not seek medical treatment ever again and feel I cope much better unmedicated, without the awful side effects.

Meet up and those sorts of things do not exist here, perhaps remote is a better word than rural, although I am only about 500kms from a city. There are also no group supports or volly opportunities. I very much miss volunteering as I have been an active volunteer my whole life up until moving here. I assumed they would want people with my experience in a dying town like this but it was not so and I have not been assisted in any of my contacts to 'act belong commit' or similar as all they can suggest is to drive over 100km to a regional centre in order to volunteer. I just dont have that sort of money for petrol. Most times I have volunteered I have been required to disclose mental illness as it asks on forms for any disability. I have not faced stigma like this before (apart from medical staff, who I dont have to live with).

It is very frustrating and I am thinking it is best for me to focus a social life online rather than attempting to join the community again. It has made me incredibly anxious and my self worth has dropped dramatically. I am interested in what kind of self care practices are used by others who feel devalued by stigma? How can I boost my self esteem again?

Re: Social stigma and self care

I'm sorry to read about the stigma you have experienced @OneofUs  and @BryanaCamp .

Though very glad to also read that you have found something that works best for both of you in your individual ways. Everyone is different in regards to how they manage mental illness and the unfortunate stigma that does happen sometimes.

Hope even if you are not using medical treatment, that you do have people around you that support you and you do seek help when needed.

Take care of yourselfs.

Re: Social stigma and self care

Hi and welcome @OneofUs 🖐😘 (Shout-outs to @BryanaCamp and @thecolourblue too!)

 

I'm glad you decided to write on here as you have because we all need like minded souls to feel we're not alone in our plight.

 

Reading your post, it appears you've answered your own question within the text hun. 😮 What better project for you than to create a presentation for the town's people to come and see? If there's a Bowls,  RSL club or community hall, you can ask to use their projector or some form of visual aid to let people know of the struggles people have; then answer any queries the audience has at the end. I'm sure if you request to use their facilities for free, the club or whoever will oblige with a smile.

 

PTSD is a very common disorder, so it's probable one of them or someone they know has experienced it at some point. For me, using what I've learned (the hard way I might add) has provided a new career and home business after realising there's a huge gap in service provision in the very area I struggled to find help with.

 

When we're down as low as it gets, yes, our self worth suffers. It takes time to heal the damage our brains have endured; then when things improve, getting out there to spread the word is an option. Charge people 5 or 10 dollars to cover your costs and maybe a cuppa and bickies at the end, (tell them this to make sure they get it) and it may be the beginning of something valuable...to you as well as your community. I'm sure you'll be seen in a different light 😍 People will say hello to someone they admire instead of feeling sorry for you.

 

I'd love to know what you think about my idea. Drop me a line if you see this ok.

 

Warm thoughts;

Hope xo Heart

Re: Social stigma and self care

If you live in a rural area,dont tell the locals you have a mental illness.  Mental illnesses are not well accepted , they will humour you , you will be talked and sniggered about and avoided.  Invent an acceptable annoying but not serious illness like migraine headaches or irritable bowel syndrome,  any thing that would be acceptable if you have to stay out of the way for a while.  As a country person born and breed, it is well known that out siders take a long time to be accepted, so just play it cool and dont give away any information on your self that you wouldnt want repeated. Join a community organisation,and choose your friends carefully.

Re: Social stigma and self care

Look in the mirror and stop talking shit 😸😎😵

Re: Social stigma and self care

Anyway can’t believe I said that. @Faith-and-Hope yes it is silly l o l ...yeah I need to work shit out

Re: Social stigma and self care

Hi @jay2 and sorry re oh ok ur taking overthe world.. 🌎

Re: Social stigma and self care

Hi @TAB  .... can see by the emojis you included that you were being playful .... 

 

Thanks for tagging me here.  I will take a look at the convo and see if I can add anything remotely helpful .... 

 

Hi to @OneofUs  @jay2  @Hope4me  .... and anyone else about .....

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