Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Mrsjones]

Welcome @Scoo 

Youll find this thread and many other extremely useful, I know I have.

Christmas was a real struggle for me too, one of the hardest times yet. We must stick together.

Looking forward to getting to know you. 

Mrs Jones 

[Scoo]

Thankyou @Mrsjones  
I hope I am able to offer you moral support as you prepare to return to work. My husband and I are empty nesters which makes it a lot easier for me to support him. The dynamics change when we have family stay and he is more easily triggered then. I hope you enjoy your job and that it is a break (so to speak) for you. Whilst I find my job stressful, if I have been having a difficult time with my husband, after an hour at work I am totally focused on that, and it helps me to have balance in my life if that makes sense. 

[Former-Member]

@Sophie1  @Determined   @Mrsjones @Scoo  @Former-Member  @Carlachris @Shaz51 

Adapted from an article in Bipolar Hope magazine and a gentle reminder to have supports in place and to reach out to them when we are struggling.

Even Superheroes Have Support

I realized all of those small, little, tiny triggers, all of that “stuff,” became the straw on my camel back. And instead of shoving down those triggers and emotions to keep pushing forward until I broke, I learned to identify when I was feeling triggered and what was causing it. Then take a moment to step outside of it and ask for help when I needed it....Every Batman needs his Robin to swoop in and save the day until he finds his cape again.

[LizzieLou]

I am happy to see I am not the only one who stuck with a partener. I did not ever think it would be 50 years. I have managed to deal with all the issues, not always as well as I might have, but in these later years, when my husband has so many other illneses, there are difficulties. Staff in general medicine do not understand mental illness. My husband has schizo-affective disorder and is very intelligent, and in spite of his physical fraility still has his ability to present a facade that is often a stretch of the truth.He has been practising for all his life, and even believes what he says is   right.  I am then in the postion of not being believed when I give a different story. I wonder if this is a common story. 

[Carlachris]

Yes..my husband is the same very high intelligence on staff at a leading university back 10 yrs ago. A writer and holds Two degrees of destiction not bad for Aspergers bi polar paranoid personality......We live with them we know better than any other person and what is happening. The cycles, the triggers, the spirals, the cover ups, the delusions, the recovery time frames, the sleep patterns, the illness. We are nobody when it comes to being believed after all it is their journey. I for one am SICK AND TIRED of being left out of the picture when it comes to a crisis we all know is about to happen, happens then left out of the secret society of private conversation with my husband with all the so called answers. I don't matter anymore. When the novelty wears off with the next great suggestion and it's another month till the next Phsych appointment where is everyone then.?. It's only me again being a Mental Illness Bodyguard against him being Locked up in a hospital ward by someone in public. Where do we stand as the wife or husband? It's our life as well that the MI is destroying nearly beyond repair. No one seems to think about that. A bit of self help and aromatherapy or time out doesn't do a thing. I want in on the solution after all I know him better than anyone else. I'm the one applying the solution because he won't take responsibility for it himself. MI is incredibly selfish at times. Like a spoilt teenager. I'm a bit angry today. I was ignored again only yesterday. It's still a bit raw.

[Carlachris]

Nobody ever asks how Robin is. My cape is a bit worn out these days to swoop.

[Scoo]

Hi @LizzieLou 

I can relate to what you are saying about the facade. My hubby has a facade. He usually only shows his vulnerability to me and close family members. So I only have a couple of close friends and family who know how hard it sometimes gets for me. It's the reason I joined this forum. 
I have noticed that he seems to be opening up about his mental health and disability (dyslexia) at his work place in recent months. Sometimes he feels discrimination but overall I think he is a good advocate for other staff who might have some struggles in this regard. I think he is being very brave and I think it is part of his healing process. 
My mother also had mental health problems and she was a very angry woman. Only myself and my siblings and dad saw the worst of her. Everyone else including her siblings only ever saw the best side of her. They thought she was an angel. I tried to get her help when she was at her worse which was in her 50s. Looking back I think when she went through menopause it exacerbated her behaviour. She convinced the counsellor that there was nothing wrong with her and I was a troubled young woman! Mum finally got diagnosed and correct medication in her 60s by a geriatrician. All those years she suffered without support and blamed us kids and my dad for her mental health problem, because she was in denial. Very sad 😔

[Carlachris]

Denial I find the hardest of all. Big hugs. .....I'm in the same boat. Facade, denial, resistance, unreality.....repeat. Then Delusion then apologetic, then sadness then bunch of flowers then why are you so quiet and sleeping all the time.......um darling !!! I'm exhausted there's no room in our life for me anymore. The MI takes up too much room and no one believes me anyway. Your words sound so similar to my own experience. I deal with it by becoming invisible. It's probably not good for me but that's how I have had to survive. I hope you have found a better coping mechanism. I just keep paddling away under the surface like a duck calm ontop.

[Carlachris]

Batman isn't doing very well either. The wheels are falling off the Batmobile.

[Determined]

Love that analogy @Former-Member  

Problem is my Robin shafted me recently by repeating to darling some thing told in confidence in the hope of some gentle encouragement. 

Problem with proffessional help is that in my experience the solution is usually to pack my bags and leave. Not the help or advice I need when what I need is support to avoid that solution. Feeling 😫 atm.