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Looking after ourselves

Re: Parents Supporting Unwell Adult Children

My children are still caught in the cross-fire of our divorces ..... I say "divorces" because what I thought was The Divorce is actually a set of mini-divorces ..... government undoing of legal union, church accountability and u doing of vows, financial divorce, business divorce, guardianship disaster !!! 

Becsuse our children are all so close, the effects of all these things are stiil reverberating across all of them .... and one is now undergoing their own separation 😔.  Thankfully they are nothing like their father, and will show him up by their example of moving through the same processes with an integrity that he doesn't possess.

 

Its very hard to protect my children from further harm as they try to struggle back into their feet, the younger ones particularly, especially as their father is still wearing a mask and pretending to be who we all thought he was, fir them ...., and I have to wait fir their own awakening to the truth ..... but he has taken himself off overseas, suddenly and unwisely ..... which may in fact be an hallelujah moment. It may be in his absence that they can begin to truly recover, and then see him with new eyes when the Covid carrousel stops and they come back into direct contact with him again.

 

The more life tumbles and changes, the harder it is to maintain a web of lies .... trying to remember what you told to whom, and when, or in relation to what else ......

 

At the end of the day, all of that is going to have to work itself out independently of me.  All I can do is keep standing in my own integrity to the best of my ability, and just be there for my kids, being the me they know me to be.

 

@Zoe7 

Re: Parents Supporting Unwell Adult Children

I am so sorry one of your bds is going through something similar but also relieved they are not at all like their father and it will be done with the utmost care and integrity - that I have no doubt they have learnt from you and that is something to be very proud of.

 

The other bds will need to find their own way and their own feet in all this - as painfulas that would be for you as their mother at the end of the day you can only guide and love them so far and the rest they unfortunately have to find out for themselves. Hopefully that will also make them stronger but not for one minute do I think that will be an easy or short road to travel. Hopefully s2bx departing so suddenly and leaving your kids in the dark and on their own (apart from you of course) will be the undoing of him and they will truly see him for what he is. It is often hardest to see what is right in front of you until it is no longer there - so very much hoping this is the case for your kids also.

Re: Parents Supporting Unwell Adult Children

great idea, I am one of those parents. Mi and physical disabilities at 24 years of age with no end in site. This is not how I saw my life. anyone felling the same
Louise

Re: Parents Supporting Unwell Adult Children

Thank you @Zoe7  .... 💞💞💞🦋

 

Hi and welcome to the forums @Louise69.  There are many people here feeling the same way, even if the reasons are different - it's all to do with mental health issues, and so much better to be with others who hear, feel and understand.

Re: Parents Supporting Unwell Adult Children

Holy crap, I feel like you just wrote my words but from a different perspective. My daughter has BPD and there are days where I don't want her living with me any more yet fret about how on earth she will be ok with a safe place to crash... but how long I can continue is the ever present question. Some days she says she loves me and other days I'm treated like the worst parent to have ever lived.

Re: Parents Supporting Unwell Adult Children

Great thread @Faith-and-Hope 

It appears I found it 12 months ago but didn't have the knowledge to subscribe...I have now x

Re: Parents Supporting Unwell Adult Children

❤️ @Anastasia 

Re: Parents Supporting Unwell Adult Children

Thank you for starting this topic. Literally I was looking for it. 

Having an unwell adult child and also living under the same roof is very difficult. My son will be 30 in 2 months and nothing much i can do to convince him to get help. However knowing that i am not alone in this "world" is comforting. 

Hope everyone is doing Ok at the moment 🙏 

MumO

Re: Parents Supporting Unwell Adult Children

Hi and welcome to the forums @MumO .... 👋

 

@Anastasiato respond to your query on another thread, we have only worked with one psychiatrist, and that was for one of my 'baby dragons' when we were still living predominantly in the west.  It was our family GP

who referred us.  Other than that we have been working with counsellors, paychologists, a psychotherapist, and doctors. 

it was me who has been seeing the psychotherapist, trying to understand how the ex turned into someone I don't know before my eyes across a couple of years, and she introduced me to NPD.  Then there is work to do to find out if you're a co-dependent and carrying baggage from your childhood.  Anyway, that's my journey as a carer ......

 

Do you think a psychotherapist could support your son ?  Maybe in conjunction with a psychiatrist because psychotherapists don't prescribe medications, unless they are also a psychiatrist.

Re: Parents Supporting Unwell Adult Children

Thank you @Faith-and-Hope I will do some research 💕

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