Lived Experience Forum

[Bipolar94]

I finally got a job!

After having to resign from my previous job as a registered nurse in aged care due to harassment, bullying and stalking, I got the call that i have a new job in health admin at a hospital nearby!

Excited to move out of nursing and to see where this ends up at!

But im also getting more and more nervous/anxious as the hours tick by.

I fear i wont be good enough, that ill mess it all up, that i wont get along with the other staff members, that i wont know what im doing, that it wont be what im looking for, that its the wrong choice, that ill let everyone down and so much more! 

Ive never worked in health admin but do have some transferable skills after my years of being a nurse. I have no confidence as a nurse, which is part of the reason ive been wanting to move away from nursing. Im just not confident in my skills. But with this position, its less responsibility but having no formal education in health admin scares me! I have no idea what to expect! 

Already tonight ive had episodes of nausea, palpitations, a sense of dread wash over me all of a sudden and a headache that hasnt budged since finding out that i have the job over 24 hours ago. Ive thought that maybe i just wont turn up to it on Monday, pretend to be sick or something, make up a story to get out of it. But i know thats not doing me any favours! As much as i want to get back into work, i have so much anxiety around going back!

Im thinking of signing up for a cert 3 in health admin to ease the transition but im not sure if thats the right choice as its full time work im going into. I dont know if ill be able to keep up with the study load even though its online and self paced over 18 months!

I had plans to go to bed early to catch up on some sleep but its now almost 1am and im still wide awake even after my antipsychotic! Ive barely slept the last few months, thought the couple days before i start fulltime work id at least spend catching up on some sleep but instead im here freaking out!

Any advice?

Its times like these i really wish i was on anxiety medication! The antipsychotic for bipolar alone does absolutely nothing for it!😰 

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Bipolar94 

Congrats getting your job.  I hope you managed some sleep and maybe even at work right now. Only saaw your post just not.  Anxiety about starting new jobs is pretty normal, but given all the things that happened at last job ... have you got a toolbox for coping?  Can you take prn of the med you are on?

Take care and good luck ...

Apple

[RedHorse]

Hi @Bipolar94  and congratulations on getting a job in health admin.

It sounds like the new job is right up your alley so to speak, and the hospital that hired you obviously believes you have the skills required to fill the role, so try not to fret.

I know it is easier said than done.

I'm sorry the anxiety is making you feel unwell and I hear all your fears about starting a new job.

It's always going to be nerve wracking but try to hang onto the positives of moving into another field and seeing where it leads.

I offer you my support and encouragement.

Congratulations again and good luck on Monday.

Take care,

RedHorse 🌹🐴

[Bipolar94]

@Appleblossom

Its a Monday to Friday job so havent started yet! First day will be on Monday, which is why i was hoping to catch up on sleep this weekend. Didnt get to sleep until after 2am this morning!

Not really because i have no idea what that would even include...
The med im on makes me drowsy and sleepy which is why i take it at night. If i were to take it as PRN like before going to work, i wouldnt be able to drive with how sleepy it makes me 😞

[Bipolar94]

@RedHorse

Thank you!

Im really trying to remember that. They wouldnt have hired me if they didnt think i was suited for it. But like you said, that much easier said than done when it comes to believing it...

I do feel a little more positive today but as the sun is going down those fears and anxieties are starting to creep up again! I ended up enrolling into the certificate III today. Will be able to complete it over the next 18 months which is plenty time.

I also ended up making an appointment with my GP to talk about this anxiety because it keeps creeping up. Whatever happens, good or bad, i get massive anxiety around anything that happens. So i hope she can point me in the right direction with managing it.

[RedHorse]

I'm glad to hear that you are feeling better today  @Bipolar94

Enrolling in the Cert III shows commitment to taking up the challenge of your new role. Well done.

Speaking to your GP about managing the anxiety is another step forward.

You've got this!

Take care,
RedHorse 🌹🐴

[CrazyChick]

@Bipolar94

Well done for getting your job. It takes a lot to put yourself out there when you are having difficulties with your confidence and having had negative experiences in the past.

I have also experienced workplace bullying and found that the bullies criticised me so much that I started to believe what they said about me. It helped me to remember other people who appreciated me as a person, and colleague. They helped reassure me that I did have worth and skills and could do the work. A supportive workplace makes all the difference, so connect with colleagues who can help you feel safe in your new workplace. It is ok if you don't know everything - no-one would expect you to. Ask questions and show appreciation to those who help you.

Have you got any strategies to help with your anxiety, such as breathing exercises or meditation? I find that listening to music or a guided mediation (from an app) prior to an anxiety provoking situation can help me. What works for you?

Would it help you to prepare ahead some things to make your first week easier? Buy or prepare  some easy food for meals if you are too tired or stressed; be ready with things to help you relax after work - favourite movies, bubble bath. Depending on what works for you - you may want some friends to call to help you debrief or prefer if you had time to yourself to unwind and may want to cancel some commitments.

It might help to try to counteract your anxious thoughts with logical ones:

eg. the thought "I won't be good enough" could be counteracted with "I have transferable skills from my work as a nurse" and "I was chosen because they think I can do this"

the thought "I won't know what I'm doing" could be counteracted with "No-one knows everything at the start, but I'm willing to learn"

the thought "It's the wrong choice" could be counteracted with "I think this is worth trying as I like that it can use my skills from nursing but has less responsibility" and "I don't have to stay in this forever, am going to try it and see how it goes - I hope I like it"

A quote that I like in situations like this:

And you ask, What if I fall?  Oh, but my darling, What if you fly?
Erin Hanson

Best of luck. I hope you 'fly' and enjoy your new job. Keep posting here for support if you like.

[Bipolar94]

Hi all!

The first week has gone really well!

Super glad i turned up on that first day.

Its been challenging at times getting used to everything and learning how to do everything but that will just come with time. The managers seem happy with the progress im making and seemed to be impressed with how i was basically checking two different people in at a time when it was really busy earlier today in the morning.

Everyones been super nice and supportive which is reassuring, i never had that support in my old jobs.

But i feel like this anxiety still affects my work! Even though im getting good feedback and the managers are happy, i still feel like im not good enough, that i should know more by now even after just one week! Taking those compliments from the girls i work with and our managers, i literally respond with something negative like "Im just so slow still though!" or "I probably could have done it faster though!". Im so critical on myself, like doing things to perfection and this week has proved it. I feel like once i get more settled and learn things more it could turn into being a really well run clinic with some ideas ive already thought of that could assist the running of the clinic days.

Was also nice not having shift work! Having breakfast with my son, getting him to school myself, picking him up myself, having dinner together and then being asleep the same time my son is, its been so different and really didnt get too exhausted this week. Of course now im pretty damn tired but thats after the busiest day of the week with heaps of doctors seeing heaps patients today so out of the 5 days ive worked there so far, the friday was the most stressful with so much going on and not knowing which task takes higher priority. 

So im looking forward to going back next week! Just not excited to potentially be slow again!

[tyme]

Way to go @Bipolar94 !

What a huge achievement! Thank you for sharing this with everyone.

I'm sure many can resonate with what you have said about anxiety. It likes to rear its head at any opportunity, doesn't it?

It sounds like you have a very supportive team. What a blessing! And how exciting that you are "looking forward to going back next week!"

Congratulations! 🎉

tyme

[CrazyChick]

Well done @Bipolar94 for doing a great job even with your anxiety. I hope you have a relaxing weekend as a reward.

Be patient with yourself, recovery from anxiety takes time. Even though it would be great to reassure your subconcious that this job is nothing to worry about, you have memories of negative experiences in previous jobs. Your anxiety is trying to protect you from negative experiences like that (even though it is not doing it in the most helpful way). It looks like you are good at separating what your anxiety is suggesting about you "not being good enough",  from logical explanations of the situation - that you have learnt so much in your first week and your colleagues and managers are giving you good feedback.

Also great that you are appreciating the positives of not doing shift work, and can see some future potential for being settled in to a really well run clinic.

I hope you can clarify which tasks are higher priorities, to reduce your stress a little.

Again well done & keep using all the great strategies to keep your anxiety under control.