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Looking after ourselves

Arizona
Senior Contributor

I need to write

I need to write.

 

My anxiety is through the roof. It's the worst it's ever been. It feels like my chest is going to explode. I can feel it in my whole body, even in my legs. My whole body is reacting to something.

 

It's strongest in my heart/diaphragm area but it is also in my stomach. I have a slight stomach ache. It feels like my body is buzzing.

 

And I can feel my heart beating in my chest.

 

And my mouth is dry.

 

I feel sad that this is happening to me. I feel sad and alone.

 

I tried to write but that is all I could say.

42 REPLIES 42

I need to write

Hello @Flying_Hams 

 

I'm over here. I'm having a very bad post-traumatic anxiety attack. I'm not okay.

 

(I'm not suicidal. I'm tired of having to explain to people that I'm not suicidal.)

Re: I need to write

I made myself a cup of tea and took some Valerian Forte (herbal sedative) and I cuddled my Pug and told him how I feel. 

 

I cried but only for a tiny bit. I can't feel or express my emotions.

 

There is a little girl 

Inside me

Who is deeply traumatised 

She has had

A very difficult life

It makes me sad

I wish I could

Have given her a better life

But I didn't know how 

I didn't have the first clue

It's not my fault

That my parents were so f***ed

I know that intellectually 

But still I blame myself

Perhaps that's why 

I'm stuck in this mess

Because I blame myself 

Re: I need to write

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a rough night @Arizona 

I'm glad you have your little dog with you to keep you company. I hope you can get some rest soon. 

Re: I need to write

Thank you for your kindness @moxi 

Re: I need to write

@Arizona  I'm sorry to hear how bad your anxiety's been...severe anxiety really sucks...it's awful. 😞

 

I hope you wake up feeling stronger today...

Re: I need to write

Thank you for your kind words @NatureLover 

 

I started to feel better after writing about how I feel (my symptoms) and writing my poem. I'm in bed having a cup of tea with honey and I have my hot water bottle under my feet and my Pug is beside me. I have just bought myself a year's subscription to the Headspace app. I was a member for six years but I cancelled my membership because I didn't like the changes they made to the app and it became very expensive. I have decided to go back because I haven't been able to find any other meditations that I like. I'm going to do a 20 minute meditation for anxiety once I finish my cup of tea.

Re: I need to write

@Arizona  I'm glad you've started to feel better and are looking after yourself 🙂

Re: I need to write

I did my meditation. It was quite hard. My mind was very busy. I will do another one later today.

Re: I need to write

I do hope another sessions helps you @Arizona

I know what it is to have a busy mind. I saw my psych on Tuesday Tuesday I have some delusion exercises to go through. It's sometimes a game of mental gymnastics isn't it?
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