Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[outlander]

Thanks sis @Sans911
Yea that safe corner is gone and its adding to how im feeling abit. Here (as in this thread) doesnt feel that 'right' for most things like normally id only be this side for carers things and i dont like taking over threads (even though i know what you and others would say as its what id say too) and it doesnt feel right to start another thread either but im glad others have found their safe place too.

I didnt think things mentally would get much worse then yesterday but its proved me wrong. I dont want to bring things down here. It should be a nice day and it worries me itll stop others sharing the good in their days. Im not to sure words could really cover it though.

[outlander]

Im sorry that sounds incredibly selfish 😞

[Sans911]

No it doesn't sound selfish at all lil Sis @outlander. In fact I  want to do something but I don't know how. I do know I need to be discreet and diplomatic. I wonder if @Zoe7 or @Faith-and-Hope can read these last 2 posts and help somehow.

Just because it's Easter Sunday it doesn't mean everything has to be perfect in the world. And you're certainly not bringing me down at all. I wouldn't say I've have a great day. It's been OK, but I've spent much of the day supporting others. And no, it's absolutely fine that I'm here to support you as well. I'm more than OK with that. So take those thoughts back before you even speak them! :face_with_rolling_eyes:

I'm happy to sit here and listen lil Sis or we can talk about anything you like. Is here OK, or would you like to go to my safe place?

[outlander]

Its ok @Sans911 id really not want them to feel they can't post or feel discouraged in posting esp when they are having a rough time.

Is there anything i can help you with?

[Sans911]

I completely understand that @outlander and I agree with you. That's not what I want either. But your needs are now not being met, and that's not right or fair. Where do you go now to feel safe?

[outlander]

Im not sure @Sans911
Here i guess..

[Sans911]

It's up to you lil Sis @outlander. Where I usually post is OK too- I mean you are having challenges. I know you're not keen on it but I don't think things are going to change unfortunately - would it be worth starting a new thread? I understand that's something that might feel all too hard and uncomfortable right now though.

Do you want to talk about what's going on or just sit?

[Zoe7]

Hey @Sans911 @outlander 

@outlander I understand where you are coming from - and you too @Sans911 

One of the main issues here - as I see it - is that sometimes we feel like we have ownership over threads and talk of threads as 'our' threads. I see this a lot but the reality is that no-one owns a thread and in fact talking about a thread as 'ours' can also put people off posting in those threads. This has been an ongoing thing I personally have had a major issue with for a long time - as it unintentionally excludes people. I can also see that you 'safe' place would definitely not feel like that at present however we must also be respectful of those that are using that thread to connect and receive support. I know this probably does not help you at this time @outlander but those using that thread at present have found their own 'safe place' to converse and support each other and that too much be respected.

My suggestion would be to start a new thread or continue to connect with your friends on one that already exists that you frequent often ie. the challenges of mental health wellbeing with @Sans911  for the time being until that conversation either reaches an end point or you feel it appropriate to start a new thread. 

We all have to consider here the feelings of everyone involved and accept that any thread is open to whoever wishes to post in them ...and that the giving and receiving of support is valued and valid in ny thread - wherever one choices to converse.

@Sans911 I also understand your feelings as @outlander and yourself are very close and you find it difficult to see others 'taking over' the thread that Outlander frequents the most but in saying that anyone has a right to post where they choose and it is just as important that those members feel safe  and supported as anyone on the forum - and from what I can see that relationship and that connection is as important as any for those members right now. 

To interrupt that conversation, to 'stake a claim' on that thresd would go against everything the forum is about ....inclusivity, belonging, freedom to express our concerns/problems/difficulties, connection and support. So I would suggest seeing if that conversation runs it's course, posting and connecting elsewhere and/or starting a new thread. 

I do very much get both of your feelings around all this but I also can take into consideration those on that thread and how detrimental it would to interfere in the support being given and received there at present. It is a tricky one but as Outlander feels like her 'safe place' has gone but it also is not the only place she cn find that support herself.

Whilst this may not be what you would idelaly like me to be saying I do hope it helps in seeing all sides and you both can work out a happy medium for the time being.

[outlander]

I dont think talking about me is a good idea tonight but thank you @Sans911
Is there anything i can help you with? Or you want to talk about?

[Sans911]

I appreciate your response @Zoe7 and I understand exactly where you are coming from. I just wanted to clarify what your thoughts were.

I am aware no one 'owns' a thread but I guess it's what we started and it's a place where we feel safe. And yes, it unintentionally excludes others even if it's not obvious. And it shouldn't.

The last thing I want is to interfere or cause harm to anyone @Zoe7. I think you know that's not in my nature. I'm just upset because it was a place where outlander felt safe, and now doesn't. And yes there are other places to go, or she could start a new thread as I suggested. I am trying to explore options with @outlander now.

I'm sorry to you both if I've caused offence or discourse tonight. Or to anyone else who might read this. I'm trying to find a solution and way forward.

It's certainly not easy being here at times.