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Looking after ourselves

Arizona
Senior Contributor

A safe place to express myself

Right now I need a safe place to express myself. 

 

I'm in a very vulnerable space so if you would like to reply I ask that you please be gentle and kind.

 

At around 4am I cried for a bit and I was able to finally get in touch with my feelings. I was triggered by something yesterday and I have been in a very bad space all this time. I haven't slept all night.

 

I cried because it's just been so hard and I have been trying so hard to look after myself. 

 

I had arranged to pick up my bike today and now I can't go. I feel so (can't think of the word) that I'm at the mercy of my triggers. At anytime I can get hijacked into a traumatic state from the past and there is nothing I can do about it. It completely disrupts my life and stops me from doing everything.

 

I feel so sad and I want to cry but I can't.

 

I tried so hard today.

21 REPLIES 21

Re: A safe place to express myself

I just wanted to add...

 

I'm proud of myself that I didn't overeat or throw up or eat any junk food or snacks during the night.

 

Re: A safe place to express myself

I'm sorry to hear you haven't been able to sleep and are in a bad space Smiley Sad

 

 


@Arizona wrote:

I'm proud of myself that I didn't overeat or throw up or eat any junk food or snacks during the night.


Well done, @Arizona . I hope your day improves from here and you can recover from this bad episode.

Re: A safe place to express myself

pls be kind and gentle with yourself @Arizona 

sending you hugs xxx

Re: A safe place to express myself

Thank you @NatureLover and @BlueBay ❤

 

I appreciate your kindness. Yes I will be gentle and kind with myself today.

Re: A safe place to express myself

Arizona 

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This is exactly the safe place to share cause we totally understand and get what your expressing. This has been a lifetime of my own experiences. I have over 50 years of trauma and pain that became my total identity and lived in my mind and so many things kept flooding back from certain triggers and effected my mental health severely searching desperately all the time for relief from the pain anyway to numb which had many negative outcomes that on reflection I didn't deserve. I was punishing myself for circumstances that were out of my control and I couldn't let go of the past. I'm not saying I've even been totally successful with this even now because it's wired into my mind from a lifetime of negative experiences. Recently I've started trauma therapy which has been extremely difficult to do but there's a process of healing that comes from looking at it with different eyes and letting go, accepting and forgiveness can be freeing. We can't go back and change the past but we can learn more than you realise and move forward day by day stronger with more awareness from the lessons life gave you. This could be something you look into to, it's out there and available. I'm sharing because it's the exact thing that has kept me stuck and broken for far too long 

Re: A safe place to express myself

Hi @Sandy-66 

 

Thank you for sharing. I appreciate it so much.

 

I can't afford it at the moment but once I can I'm going to look into trauma therapy and EMDR.

 

I have just finished listening to The Body Keeps the Score for the second time and I found it very helpful. It gives me comfort knowing that there is at least one person in the world (Bessel Van Der Kolk) who understands me.

 

I'm 50 and my whole life has been about trauma and pain. I would like to say more but I'm really tired from not sleeping and I'm feeling very fragile.

Re: A safe place to express myself

Hi @Arizona
i just wanted to stop in to say that im thinking of you and i hope your being kind to yourself. It is hard when your emotions take over. i hope your going ok

Re: A safe place to express myself

Arizona
Come back and talk anytime I think we might have a lot in common and be a support. It’s Interesting you mentioned lack of sleep and feeling fragile because Im currently in the exact place. The last nearly three months I haven’t been sleeping at all max 3 to 4 hours at best and im wearing down quickly. Unfortunately I can’t rely on meds but that’s another story but I’m struggling to know how long I can keep doing this and there’s not a lot of answers for me which is frustrating. I’m glad you liked my post. Hope you sleep well

Re: A safe place to express myself

Hi @Sandy-66 and welcome to you as well. please feel free to have a look around and join in wherever you like. perhaps youd like to create your own thread so we can support you more too?

also if you put an @ before a members name, itll tag them for you. this way theyll receive a notification your talking to them. hope this helps!
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