Topic Tuesday // Living with BPD - your questions answered // 3 Oct. 7pm - 9pm AEST

[BPD-Cinderella]

@Dolf - I like how you're pointing out constant skill work. I feel like whenever I stop practising mindfulness and other skills to look after myself, is when my BPD overwhelms me and I am unable to control my emotions as best as I usually can.
I think that BPD so often flares up in stressful situations, and it's good to strive for improvement even when you feel 'good'.

[NikNik]

Thanks everyone for your honest and open answers so far!

This next question is:

How do you encourage someone with BPD to seek help?

[roachy]

@Dolf I know it's kind of cliche now, but exercise and mindful meditation really have helped me physically and emotionally. Prior to 2014, I was 78kg, firing fit and running marathons. For the past three years I've stacked on weight, but finally turned a corner just by implementing those two practices. It's EFFING hard to just find consistency with life in general, doubly so when you're still learning what approach is best for your health.

[glitterbee]

@Dolf I think it's important to recognise that it is OK that that anger is being felt! And it still needs to be expressed and recognised somehow. But you're right, it's so hard to be able to choose to express it in a helpful way when it feels like you only have split seconds before things get out of control.
I hope you're able to find ways to express your emotions that are beneficial to you. and remember it takes such constant practice to be able to manage emotions!
It's soooooo painful at times too!!

[roachy]

@BPD-Cinderella hands down, my goto for any psych session. I always say 'I'm in a good place, so let's build better foundations for the next time I have a crisis.'

[Dolf]

Top 3 things for someone to help someone else with bpd
1. Stop talking and just listen or touch wiegtet hugging or hand on hand or something. I find physical touch and silence more soothing. People trying to rationalise or freaking out themselves only make things worse

2. Practical solutions like water, tissues, and a small walk to get fresh air.

3. Not making the situation about you. Because it is not at all about you

[BPD-Cinderella]

@roachy absolutely! I think that those psych sessions can be the most productive - especially when you're feeling open and are in a good place.

[Former-Member]

@Phoenix_Rising

If your clothes accidentally caught alight and you started screaming for help, that would definitely be help-seeking behaviour.

But if you deliberately set your clothes on fire so that someone would come to your aid, that would be manipulative.

I don’t know if that makes it clearer?

[Former-Member]

i think there is often a lack of distinction between labelling behaviours and labelling the whole person when they're trying to encourage/push someone to get help. labelling a behaviour(s) that a person might need help with i think might make it easier to seek help than feeling as though you're entire being is just broken...

[Owlunar]

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@glitterbee wrote:

@Phoenix_Rising I don't know if this will help, but when I'm being manipulative, its me trying to make people react to me in the way I want them to. ie. I might hurt myself because I know it will bring people to my aid. Or I might try to always get my own way with my husband. Or get overly angry or upset when he questions me.
I try to change (manipulate) people's responses to me.
Mostly because I'm scared of abandonment, so I really want to make sure that no one leaves me or perceives me in a negative light - but my behaviours often burn people out or make them view me negatively anyway.

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My late son had BDP and did some of the things you have described about @glitterbee

He was adopted and constantly needed reassurance - however he never believed I could love him - that anyone could. 

Thanks for sharing that

I stuck with him until he died but he tested my love until the last time I saw him - 

Dec