Topic Tuesday // Being a male in a caring role // Tues 25 June, 7pm AEST

[Former-Member]

Hey all, tonight is super engaging and lots of conversation happening which is awesome! 

Lets take it on to our next discussion point:

Check out the below stat from Men Care Too: The 2015 Survey of Disability, Ageing and Carers in Australia identified and estimated 272K men providing primary care to someone significant in their life and around 927K men with caring responsibilities but not a primary carer.

With that in mind, a lot of men in a caring role may not work full time or at all. Have you ever found yourself getting asked “What do you do for work?” How does that question effect you and how do you respond?

[Determined]

@MrDad  I find talking about our issues here so much easier than even with professionals as I feel like I am betraying my darling even if disclosures are for her benefit . I see a certain stigma about running down a spouse as I have seen extended family talking about wives in a mocking way so really sensitive to protecting and uplifting my wife.  The anonymous side of the forums has helped with this. And talking whit people with similar emotions me And I don't have to explain or justify all the time. (Although I still did that a lot when I first started here through guilt).

[MrDad]

It took a while for me to do something for myself and then to feel OK that I was doing it and not there for the wife and kids. It has been wonderful to be able to do my art and share it with the wife and kids.

[Former-Member]

Hey @MDT 

So we are talking about males who care for their loved ones with whatever situation their loved one may have. There are some interesting challenges for males who are perhaps a carer of a loved one around their identity and ways to talk about that with others. You will see some interesting conversation happening here. If you pop to the first page, you will see @Greg_MenCareToo's intro where he mentions more about the work he does in personal life and out in the community. This isn't so much about qualification, but about being a supporter for someone in your family that has a chronic health issue- if that helps clarify!

[Greg_MenCareToo]

@MDT care for a family member, no qualifications needed just motivation to ensure they have a good quality of life 

[Greg_MenCareToo]

‘What do you do for work’ is generally the first question blokes will ask each other, I guess because it gives a bit of an insight into the person and what we might have in common. 

When I used to get asked this I’d feel anxious and probably a bit embarrassed because I didn’t know how to respond.  I had left work and study to care and whilst I knew that my caring role was significant, I had it in my head that others would judge me for not being employed given that I was a capable young man. 

Learning about how many other blokes were in caring roles helped me feel less like the odd one out and instead proud that I was part of a large number of Aussie men contributing to society in our own unique way.

[JMRD]

In many traditional cultures (including our Indigenous), a young boy (or girl) are taught and supported by adult relatives of the same sex. Children are taught duties and responsibilities, but doable and supported ones.

It takes a village to raise a child. We have lost that in the modern society. Time to rebuild this thinking.

[Determined]

@Former-Member  this is something I have always been uber sensitive about. I initially started further studies at university to get me out of the house as I felt myself sinking but this came with the added bonus of having something to talk about when asked what do I do. Now through volunteering around campus I have gained some part time work at the uni that has more emotional than financial benefits. That work is super flexible which has made it viable. 

This has been most beneficial as I do feel deflated when people ask all the time and wonder how we manage financially. 

[Greg_MenCareToo]

@MrDad I often hear partners and people being cared for talk about how happy they are to see the person who cares for them enjoy their own time and hobbies.  

[MDT]

Ah nice @Greg_MenCareToo
Good on you mate 🙂
Much respect.

I think carers are under valued enough as it is.

I also think that men express care differently to ways that women do. Both are valued and need to be properly understood.