Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

What happens when you just dont want to be here anymore? What happens when you have appointments to go to but you can't see a future so you reject them? It's taken so long for the services to come into place and they are here but you just dont want them because you dont want to be here? I guess you try and make an effort but I can't and am not able to and it's a mix of not wanting to because of just wanting to go. 

[utopia]

@Former-Member. It's so hard at times. I know that. When you are ready for some help - there is a waiting list. When your appointment time finally arrives - your not sure if you want to go. I have felt like this in the past.
I think it has a lot to do with fear. Will they understand you. Will you have to say more than you want. Will you feel worse not better. What if the therapy doesn't work. I think these are normal fears. But sometimes we have to take a leap of faith. This is what you did when you made the appointment. Now you just need one more step to follow through with the appointment.
Do you have anyone you trust - who you are comfortable with? Maybe a friend or family member or even your gp? Maybe they could go with you to the appointment.
Is it a psychologists appointment? Why not ph them and tell them over the phone that you are struggling to physically get there - because your depression is deep at the moment. A psychologist may be willing to talk with you on the phone - so that you feel more comfortable with him/her.
I am concerned about you not wanting to be here anymore. I wouldn't like you to do anything tonight. Could you ph Lifeline or BeyondBlue tonight. They can often help - especially when you are so low.
Why not try once more with trying therapy.
If it helps I'm happy to talk with you tonight. But please don't make a decision about ending it tonight.

[Kurra]

LifeLine 13 11 14

Beyondblue 1300 22 4636

Samaritans 135 247

All these helplines answer their phones 24 hours per day every day of the year.

[suzanne]

Hi @Former-Member, it's hard to add anything to @utopia's post but I wanted to let you know that where you are now is really what the Forums is about.  Letting us in even when you may not see the point.  Sharing that hopelessness so that others who have been there too can remind you that it passes. 

Our mental health is rarely static - right now it's dipping to a very low point but at some point in the recent past it was in a better place as you made the appointments.  That was optimism and hope in action.  It's a natural reflex to want to push others away when you get this low.  The health care system should understand this and give you another chance.  It's important to gather some energy and fight this reflex at some point.  Even when you don't want to.  Maybe especially when you don't want to.

If you don't feel that you can make it out to a session, calling help lines is a good option.  They can do some safety planning so you have a plan of action if your mood and motivation drops even further.  We're only open from 9am to 5pm but you can also call us at the SANE Help Centre (1800 18 7263) to do this. 

Take care of yourself @Former-Member.  And keep letting us know how you are.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member. Really sorry you've found yourself at such a terribly low point. I agree with @utopia's suggestions. If you fell you need companionship tonight, over and above chatting here, but for various reasons don't feel it's an option, I don't suppose you have a four-legged friend? I know it sounds simplistic, but sometimes spending time caring for a pet can be really soothing. The links that @Kurra posted are another good idea. I've found Lifeline to be great. Spending an hour offloading and getting some perspective and understanding from someone neutral can really take the edge off, help you to sleep and give you a little more energy to take the next step.

Hang in there hey?