Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[vmainard40]

I have a huge delema that I need to talk to and get advice on. My brother has been hearing voices for a while now and tells us he thinks of sucide every day. My mum and I came home from being out and he told us that people were outside talking about how is he's affording to pay for all comics that he was bagging.

The out of nowhere he says to us if he commits sucide that he wants us to get the people that bulling him charged, I am getting to point if mum and I are the right people to care for him. He won't go to hospital and he won't go to half way house that is close by to where we live.

It scares me when he get like this. The logical thing to do is ring his case manager and get her to deal with it but that can open another can of worms if they recommend hospital. On the other hand his quality of life is non existent.

[Appleblossom]

I am very sad to hear that your brother, you and your family is struggling with this situation. 

At least he is being open and genuine with you and not hiding his secrets thoughts away.  Despite it all .. it shows a level of trust and respect in you ... that he is not covering up his distress.

Some people are shocked as they never even knew their loved one experienced suicidal ideation.

Yes get outside help ... but also acknowledge you care about his trust but also your helplessness that you dont know how to help any more than you are ...

take care

[vmainard40]

Thank you for that I never thought of it that way. He has an appointment with his doctor on Wednesday and I am going to try and get a private chat with his support worker. I am starting to wonder if there is more going on than we know about. I tell him I love him everyday.

It scares the hell out of me if we just stay where we are and let him make the treatment decisions he could be dead before anything gets done. He's had two offers of treatment and knocked both of them on head. One was ECT and the other was going to half way house close by to us and getting his medication sorted once and for all with people who are better equiped to look after him than Mum and I are it pains me to type that last sentence since I feel I am letting him down as his carer and sister.

At the end of the day we have to do what's in brother's best interests. I just don't know if some tough love might be order and I also don't want to make promises that I can't keep. He asked could he go back to hospital today and just that question tell you a lot aobut how he's feeling.

[pip]

Hi @vmainard40.. I would suggest you definitely contact his case manager and discuss the way your brother's behaviour is concerning you and your mum. If he is hospitalized, that will relieve your mind that he could try to end his life. Your brother could be suffering schizophrenia and that means he needs to be monitored with AD's till he is able to assume responsibility for himself. When you and your mum came home, did you see anybody outside. If your brother does have schizophrenic problems, the voices he hears are real to him and scary. If he is being instructed or ordered to suicide, there is a real fear for everyone. Once he is hospitalized the fear then eases as he will be monitored and you and your mum will be able to relax. You will be able to visit him as much as the hospital allows (visiting times). As you say, he has no life, so he needs help.

[Tiggeroo]

@vmainard40 sometimes being a carer means we have to be the "bad guy"... it sucks... but it is often what is needed. I am sending you a hug because I know how horrible this reality can be. 

I whole heartedly agree you should seek outside help, your brother may not like it initially, but in the long run, he will hopefully see your actions for what they are, a sign of love for him and concern for his well being. 

You are not in any way betraying him, by ensuring he is safe, and cared for by people with the skills and knowledge to help him on his way to a better quality of life. Use your networks, and make sure both you and your mum are getting the support YOU need to help your brother too, You guys are amazing and need to be supported too. 

xx

Tigs 

[vmainard40]

My brother is bi polar with psychosis and parnanoia. Throw in mood swings and depression for good measure. It was triggered by my father dying. I just want for him to get better. I am willing to go to the end of the earth to help him. I hate it that I can't. I am going to see his case worker tomorrow and I am going to ask for a private chat with her.

[vmainard40]

The talk the last time I went to appointment with him and Mum was. Let him decide what he wants to do. I think now it has gone beyond that. I love him dearly and my greatest fear right now is coming home from being out and finding Grant dead. I know this sounds dramatic but if we are not careful it could happen. I wonder if he lessening what is wrong with him to stay out of hospital. Thanks for the hug too that meant a lot. Coming on here to vent is really helping my own mental health.

[pip]

Hi @vmainard40. Unfortunately, given your brother's psychosis/paranoia, he is unable to distinguish what is real and what is in his mind. Therefore, you're right, he is unable to decide what he needs to do. The suggestion to contact his case worker means he will get the help he needs and he will be cared for. The longer he is left, the more worried you will get and the fear that he will hurt himself means you can no longer enjoy an outing. If you can be with him when he sees his caseworker, this will help him, the knowledge that you care and want him to get better will be more obvious than if you leave him to see his caseworker alone. I'm so sorry you lost your dad, that would make what's happening to your brother harder to deal with. To ignore him at this point would be a form of betrayal. I hope the case worker hears your cries for help and takes care of your brother.

[vmainard40]

Pip thanks for the sounding board. We are seeing his Psychairst and case worker tomorrow. I am going to make sure my concerns are heard. If I can I am going to try and talk to his case work alone. I don't feel I can talk about everything when he's around. It is getting to the point that I feel guilty about going to work and leaving mum to it. You are right about one thing all our quality of life is going down the toilet. All my brother wants to do is hang out around the house and what quality of life is that for a person. I even took his tablets into my bedroom tonight. He's not likely to do anything with them but it will give me peace of mind for when I eventually go to sleep tonight.

[pip]

@vmainard. Can I inquire if it's not too rude, do you have enduring POA on your brother? If you do and he is deemed unable to make decisions, I think you may be in a position where you could decide to have him hospitalized. I'm not 100% sure about that, but I suggest you check on it and see if it would be possible for you to become POA. Is he able to sleep or does he roam a bit. You said you took his tablets for safe keeping. If he is roaming, that too is a worry. I would tell the psych and the caseworker about he tablets too if necessary. The more info you give them, the more they may be able to help. Best of luck.