Lived Experience Forum

[Ayesha]

Hi all,

Kind of nervous to post....

I saw my psychiatrist today and admitted something to him Ive not told another.single.living.soul. He was totally great about it and so supportive and casual (which was what I needed) but now Im feeling triggered and the ache...the ache...to take it out on myself is immense. 

Pdoc wants me to start using a Webster pack for all my meds...I am on a ridiculous amount which upsets me greatly.....for over a decade I have struggled with med-compliance....I have no NO idea why I cant just get in my head to take the meds....but Im hopeless with it.

I feel incredibly lonely and incredibly desperate to just collapse...

I literally have noone I can tell this to...My anxity is sky high and I am triggered.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Ayesha. I'm so so sorry to hear that you're in such a bad way tonight. I'm also glad that you've been courageous enough to post on this forum. I'm fairly new to this too. I can relate to some aspects of what you've described. 

I'm a shocker with my meds!! I misplace my scripts, take the wrong ones to the chemist and end up with either stashes or none, and continually confuse myself about doses. It's all the brain fog, which I know a LOT of people on this forum experience. A Webster pack sounds like a brilliant solution which will free up some head space for you, as well as ensuring your treatment is working like it should. And once it does, you might end up not needing the Webster pack (though the idea of not having to think about all that sounds pretty damn enticing to me!).

More immediately, you really sound like you need help to settle, and quickly. I've been in that situation a couple of times and called Lifeline (131411) and it really helped. Don't get me wrong, this forum is great for connecting up with likeminded and really supportive people, but Lifeline is awesome at the crisis stuff.

What do you think? You sound like a lovely person who deserves some care right now.

[Former-Member]

Oops, sorry @Ayesha, that should have been 131114.

[Former-Member]

How are things going for you, @Ayesha?

[utopia]

@Ayesha. I have such a bad memory that I bought myself a pill dispenser. It has am & pm boxes for 7 days. Once a week I fill it up. It's been a big help to make sure I don't forget one of my tablets.
I'm so sorry you were triggered today. Anxiety is a bugger of a thing to deal with. I used to have awful panic attacks.
Have you learnt any breathing or relaxation therapies. Best one that helps me is just breathing in and out. Breathing into the diaphragm so my stomach rises. Just keep focusing on the breath. It helps me to slow down my breath so my anxiety also calms. Then I am able to distract myself.
Some on this site enjoy art or craft. I like sudoku . Others puzzles or exercising or housework (still amazes me that people enjoy cleaning). I find by keeping my hands busy - within 30 minutes, I'm no longer thinking about what I was worried about.
There is a great post you may like to look up about Comfort Box.
And don't forget to congratulate yourself for sharing something very hard eith your psychiatrist. That's a great step.

[Ayesha]

Thank you so much for your replies, it is very much appreciated.

Anxiety was high today..... Urge is still with me tonight. I have taken something (prescribed) to keep myself calm and away from self destruction. Fingers crossed.

It was hard talking to my psychiatrist about the 'thing' but I'm so glad I did...., even if it has triggered my anxiety

[suzanne]

Hi @Ayesha, welcome to the Forums.  You're having a really brave week.  First revealing something you'd kept hidden in a session with your psychiatrist and now sharing with us here.  I genuinely believe that life rewards courage and so I hope that ache to take it out on yourself passes  Your bravery deserves kindness and recognition. 

As uncomfortable as it feels now, sharing is a great step forward that In should allow you to accept/integrate the experience and find more peace in the long-run.  I'm not a 'high-fiver' generally but I can feel one coming on 🙂

[Former-Member]

Hi @Ayesha. So glad to have had you stop by again. Well done for hanging in there  and pushing through. It sounds like you might have found a way to make last night pass more comfortably? I hope so. Totally agree with @suzanne about your courage! I know there are a lot of people who use this forum who would be inspired and strengthened by your posts, so thank you for sharing with us.

I'm keen to hear how you're going this evening. Keep being kind to yourself. ❤️

[Ayesha]

Thank you I can't tell you how much I appreciate you taking time to respond.

Anxiety being high all day.... Anxiety is crushing me tonight. I am triggered and I am absolutely shattered. I suspect if the desperation doesn't get me that sleep (and nightmares) will

[NikNik]

Hi @Ayesha

You must be exhausted - such a huge few days for you.
Do you have some strategies or things that have worked in the past to reduce your anxiety?
Mindfulness activity? shower? etc