Something’s not right
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01-09-2016 04:14 PM
01-09-2016 04:14 PM
Can't get happy.
Hi all.
I went through a lot. I had a difficult childhood and teenage life due to being bullied at school due to having Asperger's syndrome and always needing help with my school work, my acne (called pizza face) and 'issues' (due to self harming) and 'loner'.
When I was 13 my parents found out I was self harming from an anonymous source at school, and they got so angry with me and told lei was just seeking attention, and when I asked to see a counsellor they got angry stop and told me to stop being a drama queen. So I didn't have my parents for support or anyone at school really.
I love my parents and my dad sadly passed away 3 years ago and although I'm still hurt from how horrible they were about my mental illness starting at such a young age, I know that they were probably scared, and I know that they both grew up so poor and gave me and my siblings more than what they were ever given.
But unfortunately due to having no support for many years I fell into an abusive relationship at 17, and was so physically, emotionally, mentally and financially abused I just.. Don't even know how I survived. I was so numb already from suffering so much as a teenager that I just went with it. I guess I thought I deserved it.
My daughter sadly died from head injuries and my abusive ex is now in prison for murder. Myself and my son were given a second chance in life and I am so thankful and have really tried to live my life to the fullest by going to uni and studying a bachelor of counselling and doing some volunteer work and getting my son psychological help as well, we are now in a good place with a wonderful new partner/step father who treats us so wonderfully. I don't know how I have found such a wonderful man or how I deserve it.
But I still just can't seem to find my identity. I'm still so sad and so depressed and no matter what I do I can't seem to get happy. I've tried anti depressants, I currently eat mostly raw food with the occasional chicken and fish, I exercise, am healthy in general but I am still so unhappy.
Don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to enjoy and make the most of the second chance in life I was given but can't get my mood up.
Thank you for reading. 🙂
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01-09-2016 04:52 PM
01-09-2016 04:52 PM
Re: Can't get happy.
Hi @Michelle_90
Welcome to the Forums and thank you for sharing some of your story. I am so sorry to hear about all that you have been through - it sounds like you could write a book about some of your experiences it hardly seems fair to have gone through so much difficulty in one lifetime. You sound like a strong person, and someone with a lot of gratitude for what you do have. Both lovely qualities to possess, and good ingredients to support our mental health. It is great to hear you have found a new path in life - studying counselling, spending time with your son, and being blessed with a good and kind man to share your life with. I know a lot of fellow members here could relate to that feeling of frustration about not feeling any better, despite your best efforts to do what you're 'supposed to' to recover. I think working through grief and trauma like you are can be a very slow and difficult process... it is not a linear pathway. So I think important to manage your expectations in how you 'should' or 'ought' to be feeling by now. With something like the loss of a child, I can't imagine that sadness will ever truly 'go away'. We discussed some of these ideas in a recent Topic Tuesday event which you might like read about here. You might identify with some of the other members who have struggled with similar things.
Welcome again to the Forums. You are among friends here 🙂
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01-09-2016 07:04 PM
01-09-2016 07:04 PM