Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Masemu]

My 18 yr old daughter is in hospital for the second time in 1.5 yrs. She has a history of self harm but is very good at hiding it. She has been diagnosed with Aspergers with some OSD traits (1.5 yrs ago) but recent events has lead me to believe there is more to it. She self harms to break the cycle of bad thoughts and she has some paranoidal thoughts as well. After her first time in hospital she went to headspace and was seeing a nurse and drs etc. She did not go on medication and opted out of the program after she was not getting any results or benefits. She does not like to discuss the topic with us (her parents). I gave her my medicare card and a list of possible options to try. She must have taken this advice because under the guidance of a mental heath worker she was admittied to hospital. She has been in 3.5 weeks now. She has not opted to put us (her parents) as the primary carers so the Doctors and nurses really can't legally let us know how the diagnosis is going or what care she will need. This is making it very hard for my wife to cope (who has a history of depression). I am hanging on living in hope that this time round a good diagnosis can be achieved and a proper plan can be put in place for my daughter to hopefully follow. In some ways I am happy that my daughter is in hospital as I really know she needs serious help to beat her problem. The hospital will not let her out for even short periods of time and they mentioned to my wife that there would be a tribunal to keep her in longer. Has anybody had a similar experience? I am quite close to my daughter as we share similar interests and have similar personalities. I feel my daughter is getting frustrated and I asked her tonight if the doctors were helping and she said no. It is very hard to talk to our daughter at the moment she prefers just to play games when we visit so I have not tried to push or ask too many questions. 

[Durango]

Hi Masemu,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for sharing what is going on for you and your daughter. It can be very difficult supporting an 18yr old and being kept out of the loop with her doctors etc. I'm glad that the hospital is taking steps to keep her safe and search for a diagnosis. I would encourage you to get support for yourself and your wife to help you both through this difficult situation and hopefully when your daughter starts to turn the corner you will maintain your relationship with her.

Thanks again for joining the forum, I'm sure more contributors will jump in to support you.

Regards,

Murray. 

[Sky]

Hello @Masemu,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story with everyone here. I'm sure you'll find many wonderful people are able to provide support to you.

For the time being, please try and use our search function to search for some old post that you think it has a connection to your story.

I just did a search on `Self Harm' and 44 pages of posts came up so I hope you'll find some information useful to give you some strength to support your family.

Take care 🙂

Sky

[Appleblossom]

Sorry to hear that your family is going through this difficult time, but welcome to the forums.

Hospitalisation is usually about managing acute symptoms.  The doctors are not really able to give much individual psychotherapy ... that can come later. I am not sure about the tribunal.  She was originally a voluntary admission but the mhu probably think she is at risk and would be prepared to section her until they thought the risk managed and a plan put in place before discharge. 

Its good to play games as a distraction, but it is also important to gently talk about the elephant in the room.  When my son was in hospital we played a family game of monopoly with 6 people and brought in Turkish food.  It had been something we had done a lot and it settled him.

Good Luck

[Masemu]

Today I was able to take my daughter out for 1/2hr. Everything went well and we did start to talk about the elephant in the room but only a little, I did not want to make it to stressful for her the first time out. Tomorrow I will be allowed an hr out. So we are slowly making progress. I think the meds are starting to work. I know it's going to be an ongoing process I just hope we can be part of the process or at least support her in ensuring she continues to get help. My daughter is a really bright girl who is very caring of her friends and has been a no nonsense hard worker. She has always been no problem and a great self motivated student. I am so proud that she has taken these steps to seek help. Thanks for your advice and sharing your experience. It sometimes helps to put something down on paper and to know what works and doesn't work.   

[Appleblossom]

I would never push the elephant in the room .. just gently keep reality checking and not being in denial .. but still positive .. a tightrope walk really ...

Sadly it is some of the best hardworking people who get to struggle with these issues .. it is just not fair.

i took my son on his first outings from mental health unit to the same coffeee shop where we went to see the movies ... now it is 18 months ago that he was in.  We have been back to that cafe a few times and can look back on it as a tough time but know we have moved on.

Good Luck

[Masemu]

Thanks for your advice. I know it's a fine line. I'm feeling quite positive now that I have seen some progress and she shared with me her diagnosis. Unfortunately my wife is not quite so positive and is falling into deeper depression. I convinced her to go to the gym with me tonight rather than go to bed. We need a holiday! Something to look forward to when we get through the worst. Yes my daughter does not deserve any of the problems she is going through. I am hoping she will see the positives from the experience down the track and be able to help others in similar situations. 

[Appleblossom]

Glad to hear there are some positives. Maybe your wife will adjust in time ... gym can be a great stress release with all sorts of good "side effects".

[Altogether]

Glad to hear you are trying to look after yourselves. It's heartbreaking to see your kids go through these things. I can relate. Hang in there.