Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[LeeG]

Hi all, I am new to the forum. Already just reading some posts I feel less alone in this battle that my son is facing. He has gone from a confident, friendly, sporty child who nothing worried to a tortured young man of 13. 

We are just a few months into the battle and the frustration we have faced to get help for him has been immense. Thankfully now we have some help but it's those times as a parent that you don't know what to do that are the hardest. Those times when you can't ask someone how hard do you push them to participate, to go to school or just to go to training. Theses times I find really difficult. 

My son has self harmed and now I feel like we live in fear of it escalating. He does tell us when it has happened, yes we are lucky, but I worry about pushing too hard and sending him backwards. All too often it's " I can't handle it or  can't be here"

i would love love suggestions of how families have handled these situations. 

[suzanne]

Hello @LeeG and welcome to the forums.  I'm really glad you found us and have gained some comfort from reading other posts.  You're definitely not alone.  There are members here who are also parenting boys who have mental health challenges.  Maybe @Appleblossom or @Janna are around.  Sometimes it can take a little bit of time to get answers in the carers thread which I think is mostly a reflection of how busy carers are. 

If you have time, drop into this thread and say hello.  The members are very friendly and always welcome new people.

In the meantime, if it's any consolation, you're asking exactly the right questions.  Allowing your son to retreat too far can end up creating new problems.  So trying to find that balance between keeping him active and involved but not too stressed is exactly the right approach.  Some days you'll nail it and some days you won't because you can't control all the variables. 

It's fantastic that he's talking openly with you.  This means that you're creating a relationship in which he feels accepted and understood.  That's powerful and protective in itself.  So keep on doing that and you can't go far wrong. 

[NikNik]

Hi @LeeG

I completely agree with Suzanne when she says that it's great that he's disclosing to you.

Does he seem open to getting help? When you say that you have 'help' does that mean you have linked in with a professional? If so, I hope it's going well.

There's some great informaiton on Reach Out Parents

Self harm and teenagers

Talk about self destructive behaviours

A parent's story about self harm

I hope these help!

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @LeeG

Just adding another "welcome to the forums" here .... so glad you have reached out .... you're not alone ....

I haven't encountered self-harm behaviours in my kids, but I have a DIL who is struggling at the moment.  She doesn't confide directly in me .... her family members have .... and while I can't do anything directly, the same family members have said she really appreciates having a MIL who supports her in spirit and just tries to love her unconditionally ....

This is not offering you advice you can apply .... just wanted you to know that there are others walking the oath with you in a variety of different ways.

Others on the forums may be able to offer you more practical advice ....

Stay strong and compassionate .... but remember to look after you too ....

🌷💜