Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[RoryPBellows93]

Hi,

My girlfriend of just over one year nearly lost a battle with anorexia just about a year before I met her. She has also been diagnosed with depression and anxiety (contributing to eating disorder).

In the past year I have known her, she has had her share of ups and downs as is common with such illness, but on the whole has taken spectacular steps in maintaining a successful job, healthy lifestyle and strong relationships with those around her.

In the past few weeks, her workplace has been undertaking a fitness challenge to maintain a healthy fitness base and diet as a group. However, as I did not fully process the contributing factors of an eating disorder, she has slowly began to cut exercise obsessively and begin to cut out food out of fear of becoming 'fat' (according to the obsessive, unrealistic Instagram fitspo girls). She has admitted she is relapsing and knew it would happen, but to my frustration she believes it is out of her control and she doesn't seem to want to take any responsibility for her reckless actions, not only in terms of her health but within our relationship too.

I'd like to ask anyone that has cared for someone who has relapsed from an eating disorder to offer advice for what you thought were good and bad approaches to helping their loved ones through this stage of recovery. As much as I know it is out of my control to a certain degree, I'd like to hear from anyone that can offer some words of wisdom so I can find the right balance. E.g. I thought it would be a good idea to propose that she see her psychiatrist again to keep her on track. Is this too direct/does this cause too much panic within a recovering individual?

Thank you 🙂

[Fancy_Pants]

Hi @RoryPBellows93,

Welcome to the Forums

It sounds like a very hard situation but your approach to this strikes me as very respectful..

does anyone have any ideas or thoughts that may help @quietscreams @Pipkin @Feelingalone

and on this thread @EDV talks about support groups for family and friends 

[Pipkin]

I think you are been very caring and respectful.  

It is important to try and get as much help and intervention if someone is on a down hill spiral, the longer it is left the worst it will get.  Once on the down hill spiral it is hard to come out and make changes.  People do need help and support to come out of this.

let her know you are doing this because you care.  Provide support with meals because she may not be able to do it without support.

good luck 

[quietscreams]

Hi Rory,
My daughter has the odd relapse and gets quite angry if we suggest it to her. But I think it's necessary to say something, as long as you're caring and respectful, which you do seem to be. Best be open about it rather than be secretive as that's how eating disorders thrive - in the secrecy.
If you say something like "I'm worried about what your work is expecting you to do. It's not right for everyone and I think it's too much for you". Then that's putting the issue on work more than her sort of thing. My daughter finds the guilt of her responsibility of it, too much to bare. It's different for everyone though.
Maybe you could add that you would like to help her to keep a balance so she's safe and ask what could you do.
Good luck

[RoryPBellows93]

Thank you everyone for your kind and thoughtful responses. @quietscreams she often talks of feeling guilty, to my understanding this is most likely an influence of the eating disorder. But she is also much beloved and is a bubbly, central figure at work that everyone relies on, so perhaps she feels she takes responsibility if she lets her team mates down by not losing enough weight?

I'm also thinking of suggesting we see her psychiatrist together as partners, so he can continue to monitor her progress and offer advice, while I can also gain more insight into her history and understand how I can best help her. Has anyone had any experience attending a group psychiatry session with their loved ones, or is this something go avoid? I suppose it would depend on the individual case, but I'd like to know whether this is a possible cause of conflict/detriment?

[quietscreams]

Rory,
People with eating orders tend to be perfectionists. Everyone at work would think she's a leader because she would strive to be perfect in everything. In reality it's hard to keep that up so it comes out with the eating disorder.
To have a couple of counselling sessions together would be useful and helpful for you to understand her needs. Unfortunately not everyone can cope with the openness of them. They feel vulnerable during these sessions which are totally about them. It's a scary, daunting thing for some. So if she's not able to, don't be offended. Ask her questions instead.
I think it depends on how far she has come with it and what place she's at now as to how open she's going to be.