Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Mish]

My father has reently been hospitalised for the 3rd time for mental illness. Previously depression, and now psychosis. This is the first time it has been involuntary. I am struggling with this immensely, and wonder if i made the right decision to schedule him. how do you know it's mental illness, or just plain nastiness? What's the difference? i'm struggling to recall any memories of my dad that aren't him being angry. He is always angry. He has always been quirky, so how do we know that this episode isn't just an extension of that? And his mania was just a reaction to us trying to get him back into hospital? wouldn't you react emotionally if your family had nurses come to your house because they were so overwhelmed by you? The psychiatrists say he is unwell, but he is so adament he is fine and that we have betrayed him. I would appreciate any thoughts on this matter. I feel such guilt. And fear. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Me again @Mish

Are there counsellors available at the hospital to speak to ?  I am considering what I would be trying in your position.

If the psychiatrists are saying he is unwell, there must be criteria they are basing that diagnosis on.  Are you considered to be his next-of-kin ?  Can you speak to the psychiatrists and explain how you are feeling ?  There will be others who have experienced what you are going through, but I am guessing that the onus may be on you to ask the questions.  Otherwise they may presume you are okay with what is happening.

Some families may be happy about this sort of outcome because they consider their family member a nuisance, and don't bother trying to communicate with the doctors,  Perhaps you can reach out to them and they may even redirect you to support services online or elsewhere to support you ongoing.

We are dealing with a family memvpber who is in denial of his mental health issues.  It's tough, the decisions are hard, and you do struggle with issues of guilt and a sense of betrayal.  Stand by your integrity.  You are obviously a very caring person, or it wouldn't be weighing so heavily on you.

Take care 🌸

[Mish]

thanks for your comments. i am going to see a psychologist on Monday. i feel i have no capacity left for any emotions except fear, worry and sadness. i have a sister and mother. we are all scared dad is going to come home, untreated. he has turned the house into a hoarders paradise and construction site. we have been able to organise builders to repair everything while he is away, but if he comes back, he won't let them in the house. i'm just so worried. it seems very common, that family members are in denial of their illness, doesn't it. my dad certainly is. thanks for your reply. 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Keep your chin up @Mish and just keep swimming.  Things don't stay in the same pattern indefinitely.  The tide will eventually turn, so just stay with it.

As a carer it is vitally important to develop the ability to disengage yourself a bit with interests and pick-me-ups, and spending time with people outside of your circumstances if and whe you can.  Even if it's just a stolen cup of tea with a friend - do it.  You have to safe-guard your own mental health and energy levels as a part of the equation.

Be strong.  Keep swimming.  This too shall pass. 🌺

[ivana]

Hi @Mish,

Is your fathers doctor suggesting that his emotional reaction to him being involuntarily hospitalised is a sign of mania?

If so,this does seem odd and there are certainly instances when Psychiatrists have mistaken patients anger,distress or expressions of being mistreated as being mental Ilness symptoms with the end result being a feeling of disempowerment for the patient/s.

At the same time though,you mentioned other things such as anger and hoarding so perhaps his Psychiatrist has a broader picture of a range of symptoms that your father has and is forming his view that he has a mental illness off these symptoms and not just off his reaction to being hospitalised.

Generally speaking-If your dad feels that his Psychiatrist/team is not listening to him,being disrespectful or not treating with dignity,or treating his "case" with objectivity etc then he has a right to request a different Psychiatrist.The ultimate goal needs to be him getting better and being respected.

I guess the way to distinguish "personality vs pathology" for one example would be his hoarding.

Hoarding is usually a sign of an imbalance although it can be mild or severe due to the cause.Eg:some people may hoard from a Psychological cause (having a emotional reaction to parting with those items) while others may have more severe hoarding from Neuropsych illness such as Dementia or Schizophrenia..

[Mish]

Hi @ivana

He was involuntarily hospitalised because he was assessed as being in a state of mania and had indicated he might harm himself and others. It's my father who is suggesting his depressed state is a result of us committing him, not the psychiatrist. So i have been feeling very guilty. I would be depressed if i was taken away from my home, too. Committed by my own family. He is now in a private hospital, though, so a bit better environment. He is 52, and he has had a good relationship with his psychiatrist, who he has been seeing off and on for about 6-7 years. I believe the psychiatrist treats him with respect... but dad has dellusions. he can change his mind at any time. 

The scary thing is, my dad thinks everyone disrespects him. I'm not using 'everyone' has a figure of speech. He literally thinks everyone disrespects him. He has complete dellusions about the way people treat him and completely misinterprets situations. He has alienated everyone - all his friends, his brother, and now his immediate family are running away too. 

When i wrote this, i was very 'fresh' from the pain and guilt of scheduling him - and since, i have spoken to a psychologist and a few other professionals. There is no doubt in my mind that dad is ill. what scares me, is that he might never get better, or he might never understand that he is ill and why we had to do this. He was escalating, and all signs and research point to this behaviour ending in someone being hurt. himself, or someone else. 

I have been desensitised to the behaviour. The hoarding was originally just a quirk... but it eventually took over the whole house. it was once just confined to his garage, and then the patio, and then the loungeroom, the kitchen, the spare rooms. Now, everywhere. 

I appreciate your comments. I really do. Thank you. 

[raspberryroses]

Hi Mish,

I fully empathise with the situation you are currently struggling with as I have a son who regularly undergoes psychosis as a result of methamphetemine use on a 'proposed background of schizophrenia. He also denies he has a mental health health problem,

It is not uncommon for people diagnosed with mental illness to lack insight into their their condition, plus dealing with the associated stigma, grief, anger, disempowerment that can occur.

Men also have more difficulty talking about their problems and anger is often an expression of their depression.

However, you say you father has been seeing a psychiatrist "on and off " for a number of years which implies he has that he has some awareness of needing help, but what treatment regime has the psych. engaged for your father that from what you say can not be very effective if the problems are escalating.

I have had to develop coping stategies in face of my sons' erraric behaviours, even when not psychotic he is tormented by derogatory voices that medication does not alleviate, consequently pacing around the house for most of the day arguing loudly with them, demanding they leave our house and so on. There is associated rage and anger associated with his experience.

I have found for myself it is critical to learn strategies to stay calm and and peaceful in the face of the onslaught of anger and the associated psychoemotional energy. This stressor will incur a natural fight or flight response, so it is important to not react with anger, argue, be dismissive of his experience, lay blame as these responses can incur an escalation of the problem.

Sometimes it is better to remove myself from the situation, retreat to another room to find space to become peaceful, calm and relaxe breathing excercises can help as has learning meditarion/ mindfulness.

cognitive behaviour therapy (calming affirmations can be very helpful-mind over matter). Always speaking gently and calmly greatly assists. Extending unconditional love, the person is not their behaviour or their illness, so not judging accordingly, there is a person behind these outbursts possibly crying out for help and love.

Try and stay hopeful for your fathers' recovery, expecting the worst can potentially create self-fulfilling prophecy.

I can relate to the guilt experienced when a situation becomes unmanageable and medical intervention/

hospitalisation can be imperative at times. Try not to beat yourself up over this as you are doing the best you can.

Hopefully your fathers' current hospitalisation will lead to his gaining more effective help and treatment.

If you haven't already done so accessing help through carers support groups/organisations, can provide further advice and assistance.

GPs can be very helpful in establishing a mental health care plan. My own experience with public mental health is psychiatrists place major emphasis on a medication model, a wholistic treatment approach including psychotherapy and counselling can address underlying psycho-emotional issues.

I know this is dificult when your father is in denial. Don't give up, have faith that things can get better.

Love and Blessings.

[Appleblossom]

I hope you have adequate support. Sorry about your sense of fear.  I also had a father who had MI and have had a lot of fear to deal with.  I just want to question the title of your post ... about mental meanness. Given the issues around stigma. I think that people do get desperate when they feel betrayed.  There is often so much judgement and sometimes denial is rife in the whole family system not just the person who is symptomatic. 

By all means deal with the hoarding but I am wondering if there can be other conversations that address his sense of inclusion and respect in the family.  Perhaps it him claiming some sense that his bread winning and provision for his family was adequate when it was not acknowledged ... its a fine balance in the spousal dynamic ...  there can be many reasons why people hoard.  Things can improve with understanding.