Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[JM-Addiction]

Earlier in life I lost everything to Gambling and Drugs which left devastating consequences.

Addiction is a family disease; one person may use but the whole family suffers.

My position and educations include Counselling and Family Support Facilitating

If I can be of any further assistance towards contributing to awareness, offer any support regarding educational or prevention plans.

[Janna]

Hi @JM-Addiction and Welcome to the forum!

Thank you for offering support for issues pertaining to gambling and drugs/addiction.  As many of us would know gambling and substance abuse/addiction is often a cormorbid condition of other mental health problems.  Many of us have been touched in one way or another by this.

I have had personal experience on both fronts.  My soon to be ex-husband suffers from an undiagnosed mental health condition and is a gambler and controlled alcoholic (if there is such a thing!).  As a result of his gambling, and the unhealthy mindset which accompanies this, he has been financially irresponsible and is now in severe debt.  Not all of his money was lost through active gambling means and this is what has blurred the line and made his problem go largely unnoticed.  I believe his reckless spending, which was and still continues to exceed his means, is also a form or variation of the same pathology that sits behind gambling.  Gambling in my mind refers to things like poker machines, horse race betting, casino gaming, etc.  Is there such a thing as "gambling" with finances in a less fast-paced manner which does not involve the above?  I am specifically referring to things such as investing large amounts of borrowed money on the share market; spending recklessly on credit cards, using all available equity to borrow more money in order to spend more, and borrowing money with no intent to repay it for the purpose of procuring a self-indulgent lifestyle???  I consider this behaviour to be akin to pathological gambling, except he is gambling with larger assets and sums of money.   As with most gamblers as well, the larger the debts become, the more desperate the desire to recoup the losses, which in turn results in further financial damage.

Needless to say this behaviour has resulted in severe, insurmountable debt which has ultimately impacted on the entire family with "devastating consequences".  After many, many years of marriage, and with two children, I left my husband a little over 12 months ago with nothing and now have to struggle to rebuild our lives from scratch.  His disorder has resulted in so much unecessary hurt and hardship for all those closest to him.

He had (and still does have) an undiagnosed mental health condition which manifested itself as abusive behaviour, gambling, substance abuse, sex addiction and ultimately episodes of delusional/psychotic behaviour.  It's all linked in together.  Loss of money = increase substance abuse = increased abusive behaviour = increased gambling to win money = increased risk taking behaviour = increased mental health instability, etc, etc.  Unfortunately throughout all of this he has refused to take responsibility for his own behaviour and continues to live in denial.

I'd be interested you hear your thoughts and look forward to seeing you on the forums.

Janna❤️

[Jade8]

Hi Janna. My experience is almost identical to this entire story. It's taken me 5 years,3 counsellors and a good GP to support me as I rebuild my life without my addicted husband. Slowly I am finding myself again.

[Jade8]

I've had to learn to look after my own needs first, and
That's difficult to change.
I learnt that I'm addicted;
to helping other people and,
its a fine line between help and hindrance 💚

[perseverer]

Hello @Janna, I only just read this post of yours from last year and just wanted to say that I could really relate to it. My husband does not gamble but for years his spending was outlandish as if there was no tomorrow and always he seemed to think that somehow I could bail him out. He has now run out of money to spend and has to make do with an allowance that I give him. After a brief trial in which he tried to spend our son's money and have me repay it (which I refused to do) he is now sticking to the allowance limit. But he spent all his super and all his inheritance. I have a financial plan that should ensure my family is taken care of should I die unexpectedly, but if my husband goes first I would have absolutely nothing except my job. At some stage I will have to see if I can set up a trust fund to ensure any remuneration that goes to the family after my death is administered by a third party. My husband's compulsive spending is absolutely an addiction. Like yours his condition is undiagnosed but he has schizoaffective disorder. He is manic most of the time and it seems to me that his spending behaviour is a kind of delusion of grandeur. I totally understand why you left yours and how painful this must have been. I hope things are working out better for you now.