Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Mountain-high]

My 21 yo son had cancer 3 years ago that progressed to depression then to drug problems and he moved out for a year. He has recently come home but while he seems better that 'black dog' still follows him and he seems stuck in a nothing rut. Not interested in working or taking care of himself. Nothing we say to encourage him works. He refuses counselling. Do we just wait because watching and doing nothing makes us feel helpless?

[jazz]

Hi and welcome to the Sane forums. It sounds like this experience must be really tough for you. It is difficult to watch your loved one in so much pain. Are you receiving any support from any services? Has anyone else had any similar experience where loved ones are refusing to get help?

[Mountain-high]

The only support has been from my psychologist and I had joined a parent support group before he moved out but long story that didn't work out and I stopped going. I try to get him to talk to me about how he is feeling but he just can't and then goes out to avoid further discussions. i tried to get him a disability allowance which he was happy about until he found out you had to be seeing a doctor and receiving treatment so I then tried to get him a job search allowance but he just wasn't interested in finalising the paperwork. He doesn't ask for money he won't let us buy him clothes or shoes or give him money for a haircut etc  I worry he is wasting his life and the longer he leaves getting help the harder it will be for him to ask

[STAY_CALM]

Hi @Mountain-high,
It sounds like your son is in a tough place at present and you are not sure how to get him to seek help.
Try:
Y.o.d.a.a. (youth drug and alcohol advice) provide information, advice, support and referral pathways to youth aged 12-25 and their parents. I do not know where you live, but they are a great resource in Victoria.
Www.yodaa.org.au ph 1800 458 085.
You can call them and they will give you support and strategies on ways to support your son and the types of conversations that help engage youth to discuss their problems and to seek help.

Also your local council is a great resource and will have youth services that you can talk to and I believe that they provide outreach support for difficult to engage youth.

Also Youth Begondblue www.youthbeyondblue.com/ ph 1300 22 4636 also have excellent telephone support for youth and their parents. As do eheadspace www.eheadspace.org.au ph 1800 650 890.

Another good resource for parents provided by the University of Melbourne is www.parentingstrategies.net for support around alcohol and other drug problems as well as for depression and anxiety.

I empathise with you and appreciate that this is a very concerning time for you and your family. Having walked the road of both substance use problems and mental illness with a member I know just how frustrating and overwhelming life can become.
Even though your son may not be ready to seek help, by you learning more and getting resources and skills from the organisations above, what you will find is that you will be in a better position to cope with your son's problems and will learn new ways of communicating with him that facilitates him realising that he needs to seek help in order to get well.

[Mountain-high]

Thank you for the information you have provided. I have contacted Beyond Blue and they have given me some ideas of how to get through to my son about seeking help and also some local support.

i will let you know if it is successful.

thank you.

[STAY_CALM]

Hi @Mountain-high,
You're welcome.