Lived Experience Forum

[DIZ710]

At the age of 12 I was having severe mood swings. I remember one day iin particular where for no known reason I lost my temper. I ripped my cupboard doors off and started rilping out handfuls of my hair thinking I was worthless and that nobody loved me. At the age if 13 I tried my first attempt at suicide. I was placed in a mental hone for teenagers whefe I spent 3 months. I became sexully active sleeping with boys who showed me any kindness. Just before I turned 14 I ranaway from home because I had a dream that my step father had sexually assaulted me. My mum and brother eventually found me and put me on a midnight flight to Queensland, to my father whom I had not seen since I 5 years old. My father and step morher repeatedly bashed me for two months then stuck me back on a plane to Perth. I lasted for a week at my mums home before I once again ran away. I managed to put a roof over mu head by sleeping with guys but my unstable moods meant I had to move on alot. In one year I Managed to move 32 times. By age 18 I had my first child and was with a great guy who loved me but I became unwell and cheated on him tginking I was in love with this guy. We had 2 children in 3 years and after the 3rd child I again tried to commit suicide and was made an involuntary patient at Graylands hospital ehete I stayed for 3 months. This was not my first time there by the way. While I was in hospital my ex fiked a VRO against me. I was not in my right mind and sogned it not understanding whay I was doing. When I got out I was looking after my 3 year old. My ex was emotionally abusing me by coming around and preyending that wr would gey back together. When I found out he had been seeing someone else aswell and was looking to take my kids away from me I lost it. I drank a bottle of bourbon and drove my car to his place to confront him. He was not home and I knew whete he was and totally lost my shit. I damaged his house amd motorbike and was arrested for breach of BRO x 2 and willfull damage x 2. Needless to say I was imprisoned. My children wrre 14 months and 7 months old when I lost them. When I got out of prison I was under psychiatric care for 3 years. I was only medicated on anti depressants at this stage and to be honest I wasn't very compliant. I moved myself away from Perth and sorted myself out. I still had regular bouts of depression and attempted suicides but I was determined to better myself for my kids. I became an enrolled nurse. My good ex (father of my fitst son) was very supportive and allowed me visitation with my son which helped me big time. We eventuslly gat back together and had another son. But my constant mood swings and depression eas affecting us. So I went to my doctor and was started on two types if medications. This helped but not enough so I then started taking other meds aswell. Now as long as I take all my meds daily my symltoms are greatly reduced. I went to University and became a Registered Nurse and I now work doing FIFO work. My other two boys who are 18 and 17 now ate starting to want to get to know me. I can only hope that they can forgive me and want me in their lives. This is my life living with Bipolar II disorder.

[HellonWheels]

Good on you! I identify with feeling worthless it's one of the worst things of bipolar😕

[CherryBomb]

@DIZ710 wow you have lived through a lot, and you have managed to pick yourself up and turn life. From the sounds of it, you were dealt a pretty raw deal, but with good support you managed to change things around. Do you have any advice for people out there that are struggling? Or even for people who care for/care about some with bi-polar?

[Queenie]

@DIZ710 you've certainly had some traumas to deal with in life and some hard obstacles to overcome, but wow here you are, doing life! I take my hat off to you 🙂

[DIZ710]

My advice to people with Bipolar is to allow yourself to accept that you have a condition that needs to be controlled. Without control and support the viscious cycle of bipolar will rule your life.
With the help, support and understanding of my husband I was able take control of my life. It wasn't easy but with the right medication combination and compliance I succeeded.

It is important to understand how bipolar affects you and what can trigger it. Knowledge is power, power is control.

Never give up. If you make mistakes that is OK because you at least know that that was not the right thing to do so you have try a different method. But the one thing you can not do is come off your meds or change the dosage without doctor approval (I did both of these) because all this accomplishes is to set you back.

This condition my affect your life but it doesn't have to rule it.

[Gavinlee]

@DIZ710 It certainly does sound like you have been through a lot.

I would suggest being open and honest with your kids, you were not well when things happened and they w I'll probably understand.

I can certainly relate to some of the things you have said, I did a little jail time, had/still have an intervention order against me, unmediated/undiagnosed for years.

The great thing I will take from what you shared is that you completed your nursing and you are working in that field, I thought that maybe tough with a criminal record.

I want to train and work in mental health, but thought maybe I couldn't. So thank you for sharing and you have given me more hope to do what I want to do.