Lived Experience Forum

[BPD-life]

Description:
Almost everything is unstable: their relationships, their moods, their thinking, their behavior, and even their identity. It’s a frightening and painful way to live."

Me:
Almost everything in my life is unstable: my relationships, my moods, my thinking, my behavior, and even my identity. My life is frightening and painful.

Does anyone else read something on the internet and then just say "Yep.That's me" to their computer?

On the upside at least you know what you feel and do are real.

*Now go and google treatments and know you have help*

[Billamba]

@BPD-life Yes!!!!

When I first googled Borderline Personality I just thought oh my god, that's me. I wouldn't say it was comforting as such but I did feel relief and I guess I sense of comfort to know I wasn't 'crazy' (well as such anyway! Might still be a little crazy! :p) I still find it very interesting to read people's lived experience of BPD as well as information on it and I still get that holy moly, I'm not the only one feeling. 

I am feeling very much like everything is even more unstable for me at the moment than usual. And it's so hard to explain to people that I don't know why it's like it for me as such. People say why are you so sad/down/miserable/huffy and puffy etc etc and they generally want to know so they can help me. But what do I say when I just don't know. There is no reason so much of the time but I still act/think/feel this way. Argh! 

[Appleblossom]

Yep @BPD-life me too .. but then I think I have every bug known in the mental illness field.

[BPD-life]

@Billamba
We all have a little bit of wonderful crazy in us. Hehe
Do you ever get that feeling when you're on a high and you get amazing ideas and think you'll conquer the world! Haha then like a few days later or after your intense 24hour research in Pinterest and Google about your idea get over it and think nah maybe I'll just stick to what I know.
100% know that feeling when you actually just don't know why you are the way you are I usually just shrug and say it's all part of the web. (An annoying very tangled messed up web)

People care and you know they just want to help but how do you explain something you don't even know the answer to?

I love reading about BPD. There is definitely a comfort for me when you read something that explains the feelings or thoughts you get and can't articulate.

If you have already got one get a Pinterest account and search BPD. Such great photos, quotes and little stories that help you understand you thoughts, feelings and behaviours.

Chat to me anytime.

N

[George]

I have BPD too but I've never googled it...might do that! Might help me understand myself more? My moods are out of control lately. I haven't seen a shrink for 2 years and I'm thinking it might be time to go to my GP and get a referral again. If i can't deal with my mood swings then i can't expect others to. Might be time for some help. ...

[jist0508]

YES this is exactly how I felt the first time I googled it!

[Sakurapuss]

@BPD-life I've been recently diagnosed with BPD after a lot of to-ing and fro-ing between major depression and bipolar II. I think it fits me well. On the flip side when I told my boss (they sent me for the assessment) he freaked out like I was an absolute basket case. I dropped my psychiatrist because he was no good and there's a long wait to see a psychologist in my town so I haven't got much professional help right now. Some days my moods are ok but other days they're all over the place. I hate that I can be so angry one minute then crying over nothing the next. The worst thing I hear is 'snap out of it. you'll get over it'. If only they knew.

[ninablack]

Hi, I'm new on here as I never knew about this site or any sort of support or understanding of myself, I was admitted to cowdy Ward Darwin in 2007 very intoxicated with ice and pills ,I not allow to use the name of the pills onhere I've been self- medicating since the age of 12 and doing street drugs from age of 16 only weed then,, I felt weird and very scared of everyone and everything I clinged to my mother intill I had to go to boarding school,, I hated myself at all times, always worried , I never showed anyone how I really felt as I didn't understand how to explain it, and didn't like upsetting people or making them mad at me, so I lived in silence into I turned 16 and started to drink beer, well I was angr, nasty and volient to my love ones for no reason,, I was constantly been put on an to depression which never help my negative rapid thoughts,, drugs as in benzo stop my thoughts, always told my family I do not wish to live after thirty, I couldn't see why I was born, I always ask who am I, why do I even have a life when everything I do or think turns out bad..What is my purpose,, so in 2007 I have a drug induce schizo ( sorry wrong spelling) episode, I was then told I have bpd,, I was put on sequel,, I look it up and it told me that was for schizophrenia s, I not that I told my doctor he said it helps with your sleep, as I have reoccurring nightmares,, mental health left me all alone with the support and educationing side of things... Thanks alot I have wasted years of being confuse,, then five years later I was again ammitted with pill withdrawals that doctor gave me for witnessing a murder which I had no emotion for, then was told I'm schizo effective and mental health started giving me injection, that made me numb,in my mind and body,, I don't even thing I had thoughts while on whatever medication they we're injecting me with???? , every time I went for my injection, the doctor would ask me " how r the voices" I'm like, what voices,, I heard my voice because I'm speaking, and I heard your voice went you speak,, I was real confused how cause I'm not dumb just negative,, so I asked the doctor,, " what makes you think I hear voices ,I'm I missing something,, there the doctors would look at me and write something in there notes,, I never got a answer, that pissed me of,, so I stop take ng the inje tions but still wanted sequel, mental health told me I'm no longer in thier program so go to a GP, I said hey what do I tell him what's wrong with me,, the doctors said there's nothing wrong with me.. hey come again, now I starting to thing the doctors are mental themselves,, any way I'm on diablity pension,, and I do have bpd.,.. how I am educating myself, and how I have all you guys to talk to,, my family and friends stop listening to me when I talk about bpd,, I think they find it hard to understand why I have weird thoughts and behaviors,, it's frustrates me,, so here I am,, I would like to know what is the best way to help myself,, I have done counselling but end up educating the counsel no help there,, so I'm thing cognitive thinking program,, will that help with my negative,, black white thinking,, and what can help me princess my feeling,,

[jist0508]

Hi @ninablack you poor thing, it sounds like so many people have been completely unhelpful to you and made you feel even worse at times 😞
I just heard about an organization called 'Spectrum' it is the best place for bpd help because they specialize in it apparently. Shop around until you find a psychologist who knows how to work with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy for BPD, mine is fantastic. You deserve support, understanding, and effective help 🙂

[ninablack]

Sorry I forget to reread for spelling mistake or my spell check automatily corrects spelling,, Im asking if anyone has ideas of how I can help myself process feeling,,