Lived Experience Forum

[Bc2ast]

I'm new here and ruok day my work triggered a lot of bad memories from my history of psychosis. It was at work for the clients and they had a morning tea for staff. It was well meaning but I mentioned to an organiser in as much words, that the morning tea was a token. I was at that work place when the last episode occurred. I'm still there and I recieved a good amount of leave, but the face to face was insulting and the stigma and education on the matter inept and destructive. I learnt never to speak, bring up, or discuss any issues of mine again. The rare occasion I do is like digging into an old wound. The few that knew, most have left and I think the rest forgotten. Most misunderstood what had happened, trivialised it and made me feel... Well. 

Ive had gp's laugh in my face at side effects of medication, not be caused they didn't believe me, they hadn't heard of it before and thought it genuinely funny. I have become pragmatic. I do not indulge in introspection. I've taken on the simple line from one of the newer Leonard Cohen songs, "don't trust my inner feelings, inner feelings come and go". I love and am loved. People would never guess I have a history like I have and in many ways I've recovered well. I guess you could say I'm high functioning. I have no real formal diagnosis real except a vague, " you have a psychotic disorder". Each episode I have taken myself off my meds.  The psychs and gp's and cat teams and such have been of little help and most often inaccessible. The cat team were good at their jobs, the rest were hopeless and in some cases unprofessional. 

There is no one to talk to on this. My family in the early years were my support. 

I forget how totally disrupted my life has been from these 4 acute episodes.jobs, friends, masters courses, relationships, and a move of country. Plus the meds, the sigma, side effects from on and off for a few years of meds (they did stabilise, but no way on long term) and then my own mind. 

Ruok? 

Everyone tells me so.

[Shimmer]

Hi @Bc2ast,

I'm Shimmer, one of the SANE moderators. I just wanted to wish you a very warm welcome to the Forums and thank you for sharing your experiences with psychosis, both here and in the Reaching out thread.

I'm sorry to hear that RUOK? day brought up a lot of difficult memories for you. I can imagine how it would have been hurtful to be reminded of the destructive, although well-meaning, treatment you received from your workplace.

Getting support at work and even from medical professionals can be difficult. These discussions on Managing mental health in the workplace and stigma may be helpful to have a look at, or perhaps @Eagle, @Findingmyway, @chookmojo, @Former-Member, @ivana, @Neb or @Amber could share some thoughts about their own experiences?

It seems RUOK? day has reminded you of how disrupted you life was by your 4 acute episodes. How has reflecting on this left you feeling?

It's wonderful to hear how well you have recovered, I'd be interested to hear more about how your life is now. I am amazed at all the strategies you mentioned in the Reaching Out thread that you use to manage when you start to notice symptoms re-emerging (ensuring sleep, remaining connected, exercising, eating well, engaging in activities, monitoring your thought patterns to name a few of a very long list!) Like @NikNik, I'm impressed by your self-awareness and ability to look after yourself so well.

You mentioned that you feel there is no one to talk to on this. From what you said, it's clear (and fantastic to hear!) that you have loving relationships in your life, I'm curious as to whether some of people you love are open to discussing your mental health issues and understanding? Or perhaps they help you stay well in other ways?

As you may have already seen, the Forums are full of thoughtful and caring people, many of whom have had similar experiences to you. I hope you find that this is a place where you can find the support you need.

Take care,

Shimmer 🙂

[Bc2ast]

Thanks Shimmer. 

[AlienBP2]

Sorry to hear your situation...Have you considered meditation it may help assume you are on appropriate medication maybe chat to your GP again
AlienBP2