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15-08-2016 09:59 AM
15-08-2016 09:59 AM
PTSD
Ptsd
I've been living with terrible PTSD for more than a decade. I work, have a young family and have had lots of therapy. On Saturday night I was sitting in my garage drinking and looking at the rafters. All I could think about was suicide. It was horrible. I knew it would pass. I've been there before- but it was just such awful suffering and pain. When I first started researching suicide and ptsd there was very little information - now sadly there's much more. Every anniversary I go crazy.. Absolutely insane... And when it's over it's always better than the last year.. Now I'm more traumatised from the illness journey than the actual event..
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15-08-2016 12:40 PM
15-08-2016 12:40 PM
Re: PTSD
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15-08-2016 07:57 PM
15-08-2016 07:57 PM
Re: PTSD
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16-08-2016 03:22 AM
16-08-2016 03:22 AM
Re: PTSD
I had a wonderful GP explain to me that the month of ** was the worse month of the year for me ... he had noticed my stressors.
It really helped me prepare .. coping counter measures ... and yes even if the counter measure seemed weird to others .. if it helps you get through it ... in my mind it may be worth it .. so I put myself in cotton wool for the chirstmas period and the birth of my daughter period.
I dont expect it to be easy ... but each year .. it is getting a bit easier ... not that life doesnt throw curved balls at me ... but dealing with PTSD and grief .. over a event or the MH states that follow ... may be with us for life ...
@pip's ideas seemed good to me ...
please dont do it there .. my brother did it there .. its shocking for family to find you ... please find a way to make peace with your SI.
I find I cannot extinguish it ... so i am getting used to talking to it like an annoying friend ... "Oh there you are again ya bastard" .. then I can separate ME from my SI ... and not be in its thrall.
regards Apple
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16-08-2016 07:07 AM
16-08-2016 07:07 AM
Re: PTSD
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16-08-2016 04:01 PM
16-08-2016 04:01 PM
Re: PTSD
I had great success with EMDR treatment for my PTSD. Only two mild attacks since I finished treatment last year. The last one in feb/march this year. My bf was with me and able to help me stop tge panic attack.
I hope your symptoms keep reducing over time and that you are able to control your SI. There are many here who have also experienced SI. Hopefully you will be able to connect up to them here.
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16-08-2016 06:39 PM
16-08-2016 06:39 PM
Re: PTSD
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28-09-2018 04:05 PM
28-09-2018 04:05 PM
Re: PTSD
I too have to have a nightlight but a closed door thanks for your post I found it insightful.
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28-09-2018 04:53 PM
28-09-2018 04:53 PM
Re: PTSD
Hi @Okay;
You've had caring responses from @utopia @Appleblossom @pip @Chadlyme. It's nice to be able to speak with people who understand hey.
PTSD and Complex PTSD are insidious. Like @pip, I sleep with the door open and my bed pushed up against the wall so I face the door.
I hope this doesn't sound presumptuous of me, but I was wondering how you'd feel about considering challenging your anniversary in a good psych ward on voluntary admission, if not this year, then maybe next year. My suggestion's more about your safety, but also to be around health proffessionals who can guide you through things. They have access to medication and specialist support when required and may be able to teach you some skills to cope better as they can see it first hand. It can be frustrating trying to express what you went through with your psych 'post' traumatic episode.
Please, I'm not trying to cause grief because I know some people have a bad view of psych wards. In my case I self admitted after calling Lifeline to ask if my mindset was odd. No emotion, guilt, worry, anger...nothing...planning my demise in a written plan so very neatly drafted. I mean, nothing wrong with that right?
I guess what I'm saying is, you're self aware and that's a gift. I wasn't. I'd do it again in a heart beat though, because it unravelled the guts of what I was trying very hard to avoid facing. And, I actually really needed the rest. Never realised how very mentally, physically, emotionally and even spiritually draining 'coping' can be.
My supportive thoughts go out to you this weekend.
Hope
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28-09-2018 05:07 PM
28-09-2018 05:07 PM
Re: PTSD
Oh dear, I seemed to have responded in the wrong month. And, as it happens, the wrong 'year' as well. Am I embarrassed much? Ha ha ha, absolutley!
Meant every word of it though so I'm leaving my post there. Hey @Chadlyme! Nice to meet you...