Lived Experience Forum

[B45]

I am working on getting my husband to come to a counselling sesson with me.  My counsellor gave me some info on anxiety for him to read.  I gave it to him yesterday & asked him this morn if he read it.  He said "yes."  I asked, " do you understand it?"  He said, "yes."  I asked, "any questions?"  "No", he said.  Grrr.... it's like pulling teeth to get him to talk about it.  The person you love most where you would like your support to come from, doesn't seem concerned.  He's a good father & husband & he does a lot for his family but geez some emotional support wouldn't go astray.  Thank goodness for this forum & my counsellor.

[suzanne]

Hello @B45, I'm not sure that this is the response you're after but your post really made me smile.  It's a scenario repeated within households across the land.  Very easy to picture and relate to.

What do you think it's about?  Genuinely unconcerned or unsure about how to talk about it?  A while back I used to work for the police in a psych support role.  Your story reminded me of some of the managers there.  They seemed to worry that if they acknowledged the distress of a member of their team they would make it worse.  Open the genies bottle and then be unprepared for what came out. 

In reality of course it's the opposite.  A little bit of recognition and some empathy makes everything better.  I hope he makes it to the session and finds a way to communicate with you about this. 

[BeHappy]

Hi @B45,

Is this typical behaviour of hubby? I kind of agree with @suzanne, this seems to be a common scenario in households. My partner is man of few words. When I ask a question, I often receive a one worded response. My family members have even commented on it. I've raised this with him as an issue. But, this is in part the way he is. He's not really one for talking and if I push it can feel like nagging for him, particularly when he's tired. But at the same I want to know he cares, and I want to feel understood. It's a matter of balancing needs. We've managed to work through this though, by having our expectations half way. We've set up times to chat, where I know he will be at his best to chat, and outside of that I leave him be.

[B45]

Thanks for your replies @suzanne & @BeHappy I think it's a case of unsure about how to talk about it hence that's where the counselling comes in.