Lived Experience Forum

[kdoll]

I'm new here so I'm sorry if I'm not meant to post here. I've been seeing the tv ads so thought I would come one and check it out.

It's almost been two months since I was admitted to a mental health facility for 10 days. I am now on a recovery program and have to go to the community health centre for meetings with my case manager and a psychiatrist. While in hospital I was diagnosed with mild psychosis due to a bunch of traumatic things I have been through and never dealt with.

I am lucky my workplace has seemed understanding so far and I am back working 4 days per week. I am only meant to be working 3 days according to my case manager, but my husband has had no job and we've literally been fighting homelessness so I haven't felt like I have a choice. Plus lately my days off have been more painful than going to work. Work takes my mind off things. I was feeling alot better but the last week or so I feel like I'm going backwards. I feel so drained and I have no energy. If I wasn't at work I would just want to sleep all day or lie in front of the television. The times I have felt bored and restless and anxious I have cleaned and sorted the house. When I run out of things to do I have done some art - painting a canvas. But mostly lately I just don't have energy to do anything.

My first visit with the psychiatrist was 4 weeks ago and I was told she's not convinced I had a psychotic episode (then what was it?!) and that I'm just 'depressed'. It was CRAZY what I was going through before I was admitted involuntarily to the MHU. I wasn't sleeping properly and my sleep was so disturbed. I had crazy levels of anxiety and went three nights of barely sleeping. I was paranoid and even hallucinating. She changed my medication which has caused me to put on weight which has made me feel even worse about myself. Last week when I went for a follow up she said she doesn't want to change my medication and that she wants to see how I am in another 4 weeks. But I just feel like I'm getting worse.

Mostly I just feel alone and like no one can help me. My husband blames my job for what happened while my parents blame my husband... the truth is I was just overloaded from wayyy too much in a very short time. I fear relapsing. I fear doing all the things I was doing before which caused the overload and for me to snap but I also fear not doing them. They were my dreams at one point.... I was doing so well but today I'm not even sure I should be working at all and I just feel so drained.

I have three weeks to wait until my appointment with another psychologist and I'm not sure when I'll see my psychiatrist. She said 4 weeks but she's not available until November.

[pip]

@kdoll. You sound as though you're on an emotional treadmill (going uphill), but getting nowhere. Depression completely zaps your energy, Depression stops us from functioning. I am so sorry your psychiatrist didn't hear your cries. Have you seen her since? If you are not comfortable with her, you do have the right to request another psych. When we have psych's tell us we're 'imagining' our thoughts, feelings etc, it puts us off seeing them. Were you referred to the psych through your Dr? If you were I would suggest you ask for another referral. Would it be also possible to be re-admitted to the MHU?. I realize that is a scary prospect, but if it is going to help you, it might be worth considering. You need help to get off that treadmill. Everyone blaming everyone else is counter-productive. Support and guidance is sooo necessary for your return to a 'normal' life. You've been carrying so much emotional baggage, you're worn out. You feel alone because hubby blames job, parents blame hubby. No-one person is to blame. Hallucinations are ultra-SCARY. I had those for a while. They could be caused because of emotional overload. I would see your Dr and tell him/her you are emotionally overtired and need help. Tell Dr your psych is not available till November, you need help, now.

[kdoll]

Hi @pip. Thank you for your response. It is nice to find these forums and have understanding. I have seen my psychiatrist last Wednesday since and she did seem concerned because my depression is much worse since I last seen her. She said she would get my case manager to call but I still haven't heard anything from him. She also said she didn't want to change my medication and we should wait 6-7 weeks to really see how they're going. 

The psychiatrist I am seeing has been assigned to me through the outpatient program I've been on since leaving hospital. I'm not sure if I can request another one but they may have to give me a new one since I can't get an appointment until November. 

I have found information on this website and been reading about different conditions and when I read the one for Psychosis (which was my diagnosis in hospital) it definitely is what I was dealing with. So for the new psychiatrist to say she doesn't agree with it makes me feel like I went to hospital for nothing. 

I have to say I am also confused still about when I should speak to my case manager and when I should speak to my GP. I guess I'll just try to get hold of whoever is available.

[Nikolai]

Hi again @kdoll
Glad you have found the forum, I must say I have found it incredibly helpful having similar people to talk to.

Completely understand your fears of relapse, I had one myself not long ago due to a whole heap of stressful circumstances occurring at once.

It knocked me around a bit but after a couple of weeks my medicaction kicked back in and I stabilised again.

-N

[utopia]

@kdoll. I don't think you went to hospital for no reason. I'm sorry if your psychiatrist makes you feel that way. You were in hospital because you were in crisis. That's the best place to be regardless of what diagnosis you may have.
So the inpatient psychiatrist diagnosed a psychotic episode. Is this new medication he put you on - for psychosis or for depression?
I suggest you contact your doctor by phone and let them know that your mood is no better and no one from the mental health team has called you. You can also call the mental health triage worker at the hospital you were in. They can help you.
Some people have one psychotic episode in their life & that's it. Just one. Others can have ongoing psychosis - generally treated by medication. But a proper diagnosis is needed. And the right medication and therapy will help.
Remember, if it gets too hard to recall the hospital.
I wish you all the best

[kdoll]

@Nikolai Thank you. I think that was what happened with me - just way too much happened in a short period of time (miscarriage, moving house, getting married, job problems) plus I hadn't properly dealt with previous trauma's such as an abusive (6 year) marriage and workplace bullying in my previous job which started almost straight after I left my first marriage. A bully of a husband to a bully of a boss in a job which had previously been supportive and what had kept me from falling apart. I feel I dealt with most of this when I went to hospital which is good - but there's still something underlying that's not been dealt with yet.

[kdoll]

Hi @utopia. Thanks for your message. The medication I was put on in hospital by the psychiatrist was an anti-psychotic.

About a 4 weeks after hospital the outpatient psychiatrist told me to ween off the anti-psychotic as I was still experiencing very high levels of anxiety (difficulty sleeping/tight in chest/heart palpitations/couldn't sit still) etc. She said she wasn't convinced I had an episode even though myself and my husband can definately say I was experiencing psychosis symptoms from about 3 weeks before I went to hospital. She instead put me on an anti-depressant which she said would also help my anxiety and help me sleep etc. My anxiety has decreased significantly which is great - but depression is the problem now. I've gone from one extreme to another. I have no energy and I could sleep all day or sit infront of the television every day if I didn't have to go to work. 

I know I'm probably not meant to self-diagnose but I actually think I might be bi-polar or something. Just about everyone in my family has a form of depression and my uncle actually is diagnosed with it (and currently in the hospital for it at the moment). He's been in and out of hospitals alot the last few years.

[utopia]

@kdoll. I'm so glad the anxiety has reduced. I hated my anxiety - panic attacks. So glad mine have gone away.
I would be so angry to have someone tell me my condition didn't happen.
I hope you get the diagnosis confirmed and then they can give you the correct medication.