Lived Experience Forum

[Silenus]

Hi all. 🙂

For 20-odd years I worked as an electrical engineer and technical writer. The stress and long hours were great for someone like me with bipolar - I could cope very well...

Until I would crash and burn into a major depression, that is...

For 20 years I repeated the same pattern - hypomanic high for about 2 years, then depression for about 6 months, hardly able to leave my darkened bedroom...

Repeat until life gets totally screwed up by a 2 year long depression and failed marriage (which finally led to diagnosis and treatment).

I've hardly worked in 5 years. Perhaps 5 or 6 weeks of technical writing (it's been dead since the global financial crisis) and a couple of months of bar work, pulling beers and making cocktails...

I was on Newstart for a year or so. I have a special hatred for how heartless the Centrelink system can be, how terrible it makes you feel. During that time, I applied for over 200 jobs. I did all in my power, but achieved exactly nothing... only 5 or 6 bothered to even send me an automated rejection email. The rest? A vast deafening silence, so that I never knew if my job applications were good, bad or indifferent. It was brutal...

I had to sell my house. When I converted the bricks and mortar to dollars in the bank, my Centrelink problems went away - no more support, and thankfully no more rubbish of theirs to deal with...

I've been self-funding my unemployment for 2 years now, travelling around Oz in a motorhome with my lovely partner.

But reality awaits. The party (and the money) never lasts forever. The rolling wheels have to stop sometime.

So, I've applied for a job. First time in 2 years. There's a bad taste in my mouth from my previous experiences, but I hope it will be different this time. The job is perfect for me - suits my experience and skills 100 percent.

It's a full time position. I haven't worked one of those since 2006. For 10 years, I've been doing contract consulting work through my own business.

I've learnt a lot about my bipolar in the past 4 years... I believe I'm ready...

Hugs and happy vibes beaming to you all... 🙂

[BlueBay]

Hi @Silenus

I wish you all the very best in your job application.  And from what I have been reading on your posts I think you are ready and you are strong.  You can do it.  Good luck!!  

[Silenus]

Thanks so much @BlueBay

Applications close 2nd May, so I should hopefully know in the next week or 2 if I managed to get to interview stage. Here's hoping...

Hugs.

[Appleblossom]

Good Luck with your application @Silenus It sounds as if you are clear and ready to get on the jobs merry go round again.

We do have to be viable, economically, practically ...

You have had time to bond and get to know your partner well doing a wonderful trip, so good luck with that too.

I found Centrelink helpful and I found life brutal, but we all have different experiences. I used to work with Social Security so felt at least an "equality" or "camraderie" with staff and an understanding of the reasons for their systems. Sorry you couldnt get the old sickness benefit and reduced quota of applications. My son refuses to have anything to do with centrelink because of their expectations.  I tended to accept others' expectations and jump through endless hoops. The work envrionment felt safe after my marriage.  I am finally learning to raise my expectatons of others. 

You have plenty of internal resources so I am sure that will help you make wise decisions.

[Former-Member]

Good luck @Silenus, You've had a long and difficult road.. here's hoping that you land this job 🙂 

Centrelink is definitely brutal... and definitely aimed at keeping the poor, poor and dependent... 

I hope the waiting period goes quickly!

LJ

[GonePirate]

oh how familiar your story sounds to me

i used to work as a security guard the bipolar highs definitely helped

the lows i would crash and burn and sink

repeat this pattern for four years in my case and you have no more oomph to give

no more fuel left in the tank

recently i returned to work for a few weeks i finally felt ready it was a big step after having only worked a weekend here and there the three years prior

so kudos to you for getting to that point of confidence and readyness

only you know if you are ready and im sure you have thought it through at great length

it was this small burst of confidence i felt that landed me my shit kicking job which in turn taught me or convinced me that if i can work i can study and so here i am studying so i can work a job i want

as well i have no skills other than a security license wich well lets be honest ive learnt isnt the best industry for me i may be good at it but it is not good for me or my mental health

as for centrelink i am still on it and yes it is a cruel game its so heavily designed to stop people roarting it that the honest people who need help often get overlooked or fall through the cracks

i managed to prove and convince centrelink i needed more support than they were intially giving me

i went in manic

i went in depressed

i went in after i was discharged from hospital in a mixed ep

and then finally they put me on disability support pension

they saw i wasnt coping and couldnt look after myself adequately with what i had

but still its not over i have to look for 20 jobs a month and go to job search once a week even though i am studying my job service provider say study isnt good enough i need a job

the irony is study will lead to a job i will want to keep

so yeh i play the game

anyways ive rambled long enough

kudos again and keep us posted

[Silenus]

Thanks for your replies, @Appleblossom, @Former-Member, @GonePirate...

It's funny really. I feel ready for a full time job again. At the same time, I don't.

But a full time job is exactly what I've been doing for these past 3 or 4 years of unemployment... my full time job has been the long painstaking process of piecing the broken bits of myself back together, of healing myself, of learning ever more about this thing that is called bipolar...

At the same time, I've written 2 books (poetry and philosophical writings) and self published them. I'm writing a third book. I've got a fantasy novel partly done, and another book of poetry growing by the day...

And yet, as far as "society" is concerned (and my bank account), I've been unemployed pretty well this whole time...

Truth be told... I don't want to work a standard job. "What's the point?" I ask myself.

As I see it, there are only two or three legitimate reasons for working...

1. Earn money
2. Keep busy
3. Make a difference.

Most people seem to be so caught up with earning money, and the whole fabric of society is filled with ways to make sure we keep spending that hard-earned money. Entire industries exist just to try and convince people that they need this thing or that thing in their lives, and the people just swallow it up, and work, work, work, work like good little obedient slaves, just so they can save up and buy these "things" that they have been convinced they need, as if these things can ever really fill a hole or complete someone or make someone feel whole and satisfied...

It's a giant con. I've felt that way since I was 14 years old, neglected by my parents as they slaved away day in and day out just to amass a modest sum of money (which they then lost when the fabric of society changed, their two shops went belly up, and they were left with debts aplenty (which they paid off by doing heaps more years of hard work, unlike lots of millionaires who just dodge their commitments and keep all their money hidden in dirty little secret tax havens)).

What was the point? Did all of those years where my parents were too busy working to even pretend to be a family really achieve anything? Where was the reward for all of those years working hard? What indeed was the point?

I worked my butt off for 20 years in a stressful job. I paid off my house before I was 40. I went through a divorce. A mate and I went halvsies in a house. Then I had to sell my half at a loss just to keep food on the table...

What was the point of those 20 years, I wonder? What would be the point of another 20 years of working away?

Seems pointless to me.

Perhaps it's better to work odd jobs here and there, earn enough to get by, and remain committed to my real work - creative writing (which is never going to earn me any money).

It gives me job satisfaction. It makes me feel good. It makes me happy.

Something 20 years of work didn't...

Things to ponder, I guess...

[Former-Member]

@Silenus

Good luck! And I mean that, sometimes you need a little luck on top of your knowledge and experience. I wish so much for you that you will get a positive reply, at least for an interview. I am an engineer myself, but I have never, apart from when I first started out during a recession, written many applications. I am now on the "other side" and as a manager I have to say, try to make your application stand out, don't write a generic application letter and don't let the agencies "blind" you into fitting a certain form. Yes there are obvious requirements for your CV etc. but try to make your application letter stand out. I, as a manager look for the kind of enthusiasm I can see in your post here. You mention that the job fits you 100% - explain to your future employer why you think this is so. Have you researched the company? Why would you like to work for that company? How do you think you could make a difference for that company? Did they give a contact number you could call to find out more about the job?

If you don't get a reply, why not call them for a feedback? Sometimes a bit of persistence can help and perhaps they might have better suited applicants at that moment in time, but they may keep you on a list of interested people for the future. Just don't give up if you have a little knock back and keep your options open - keep looking for opportunities.

I send you all my best wishes and happy vibes too!!

[Appleblossom]

I wish you the best in this application @Silenus but I am struck by your voice and attitude to our social/economic system, so I had an idea .. I am not sure fully where your expertise lies or how transferable the skill set is .. but are there small business start-up possibilities .. eg environmental approaches or a niche you could eventually carve out for yourself in which your paid work could .. eventually .. be aligned with your values. Just a thought.

We need innovation technically and in enterprise .. you sound like a guy who would love to be his own boss.

I share a lot of your social attitudes.  I actually worked in 3 sides of the public purse .. money in .. money out and setting pay rates .. in the Arbitration Commission ..

I also like your challenging the idea of work ... yes people can bloody hard and not have it show up in the statistics.

Make your vision work for you ... I know it can be scary when also dealing with Bi polar .. but think about bottom line issues for security and viability.

I have decided that my best option is to stay on the pension and do my best day to day in the all the things that I do ... whether I am paid or unpaid .. somehow be detached from remuneration ... but we all do need to pay the bills.

cheers Apple

[Former-Member]

Good luck Si - I have everything crossed for you. Don't give up my friend as you will eventually land that job you seek, I have no doubt. You have got what it takes, never forget that x