Lived Experience Forum

[Hazattack]

For months now I've been brushing off my anxiety as nothing but the last few weeks have really taken a strain on my relationship. I keep pushing and looking for things I can use to make myself feel bad and make him angry at me. Our beautiful bubs is just 6 months old but I keep bringing things up from well before bubs was born. I keep feeling isolated and alone but I'm hardly ever actually alone, I'm jealous that he gets to go to work all day and after 8-10 hours of looking after bubs I'm exhausted it makes me angry that he then would suggest that he goes out so I've tried to control him which has only made our relationship crumble - I'm also crippled with guilt that i can't look after bubs for longer than a few hours without it becoming overwhelming. I also just found out I had a miscarriage just before my anxiety and depression really hit in. With bubs so young I was relieved and that just lead to more guilt. How can I over come my guilt and my anxiety about being left alone with bubs while my partner goes out I want him to keep living and be happy and at this rate neither of us are.

[Cherpieus]

Hi Hazattack,

Having a baby can be very isolating for a mum, even if you have people around you. I have twins (now 16 years old) and the first two years were the hardest.

I had post natal depression and from what you've described about your feelings you may have the same. If you can, make an appointment with your GP and raise these things with him/her. They may suggest taking some medication temporarily (or they may not if you're still breast feeding). They will most likely suggest some counselling as well.  It is nothing to be ashamed of. Your hormones have been through the ringer and I can assure you things will get better.

Have you been able to talk to your partner about how you're feeling? If you feel comfortable it may be worth taking him along when you see your GP. Perhaps you and your partner can come up with a schedule of when you can each have some time out on your own and some time out together?  

For me guilt about all sorts of things is the most debilitating thing. How we alleviate that I don't know really know.

Cherpieus

[Sky]

Hi @Hazattack,

Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your story with us.

Sounds like you're exhausted with your new born, at the same time battling with your mind and chores involved to maintain the family. This must have put you off on enjoying the motherhood a lot one people keep mentioning, which generates even more guilt feelings inside of you. I'm sure a lot of people would agree it is exhausting to look after a new born 🙂

We're all different when it comes to family responsibilty and expectations. Would you and your husband have some differences there that needs to communicate positively across to make things work better bit by bit? Some of the hard things for new parents are change of lifestyle and everyday duties.

while you're on the forum, and not too tired, do a search on such as 'depression',' parenthood'. Topics you think it's relevant to your situation. You'd find there are a lot of people here share similar stories, strategies and support. Hopefully you'll find some of them useful but at least to get some mutual support here while you're a bit stuck at home. 

Take care,

Sky