Lived Experience Forum

[Enki]

I am a 22 year old Male who's suffered from Anxiety, Depression, Psychosis.. and now maybe PTSD.

My story begins with my mother's side suffering from lots of mental illness, so I was always vulnerable to it. My grandmother died when I was 12 in a car accident and my whole family went crazy. I saw my mother in and out of mental wards which traumatised me as a kid. She was a different person everytime she came back home. She was unfit to look after me so I moved into my Dad's grandmothers place where I lived.

I unfortunately made friends who were a heavily bad influence on me and I got into smoking drugs. After some time hanging out with these so called friends, they begun to bully and abuse me. These years of my life were a constant struggle. From 13-16 I did things that weren't me, I did have good times with these friends however after awhile when I was 15 they took things to far. I went into a deep dark depression at age 16. I remember looking into the mirror, and I saw what I had become. A drug addict loser. Girls weren't even on my mind, and I've suffered extremely because of that.

Look, I could write all day about the battles I have had. 

At 22 Male, still a virgin, I can't handle my reallity. The pain I've copped from having a mental illness has left me scared and deformed. I just want an escape from this pain, it's unbearable 

[utopia]

Hi Enki. Sounds like thingd got really tough for you in your teen years. That's hard - that's when we start trying to find out who we are - who we want to be.
A lot of us have done some pretty strange and regretful things in our early years. But that shouldn't define who you are as a person.
Are you still using drugs or did you get help for that?
Are you seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist for your MI? I'd be lost without my support.
It may not feel like it to you, but a 22 year old virgin is not unusual. It's about timing. Finding a possible partner when we are feeling well. You have had a lot to deal with. Have you discussed your feelings about this with your therapist.
I have depression and anxiety and PTSD. I've had great treatment and no longer have a PTSD diagnosis. My depression is under control.
I'm wanting you to know that there is help available & although you may not believe it now - healing and recovery is possible

[Mosaic]

Hi @Enki welcome to the Forums and thanks for sharing some of your story. It sounds like your childhood was pretty rough and you had to taking on the 'caring role' for your mum from a very early age. I imagine it must have been confusing for you as a young person to see your mum going in and out of hospital. Those are some big experiences for a young mind to process. Echoing @utopia I wonder if you have any mental health support in place at the moment?

Remember if you're ever feeling overwhelmed and need some more support, you can contact the following services 24/7:

Lifeline 13 11 14
Mensline 1300 78 99 78  
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467

Again welcome to the Forums! Please know that as a community, we are here for you too 🙂 Look forward to hearing more of your story. Take care of yourself.