Lived Experience Forum

[Rhumba]

Hi. This is my first time typing a post. I suffer from Major Depression and PTSD. I have suffered with this for 19 years.

What I am confused about is that my grandmother has to go into a nursing home and I want to be able to support my mum through it all but I'm just not sure how to because I'm scared that it is going to affect my depression!

Any advice will be grateful.

[utopia]

Welcome @Rhumba. I like your question. Of course you want to support your mum but at the same time you need to look after your health first.
A few suggestions: (& these depend on your coping abilities at the time)
*Offer to drive your mum to the nursing home (you can stay in car and read or meditate while she visits).
*If your mum has email - send her a message letting her know how much you love her (especially on the days she visits the nursing home)
*Send her some flowers / chocolates or a soft teddy bear (to hug if you ccannot be there)
*Phone her to let her know you are thinking of her.
I'm sure she will know you will help as you able to. & as we with MI know, it's wonderful when someone understands us & we can feel their love.
Some days you may not be able to do anything. Other days you may be able to just listen to her.
Good luck

[pip]

Hi Rhumba. If you know where your g'mother is going to be living, perhaps a visit to the nursing home would help settle your feelings of confusion with supporting your mum. By talking to the staff, you will be able to completely reassure your mum adequate care will be taken of your g'mother. Once you know what the place is like, talk to your mum. Let her know your g'mother will be properly cared for. The staff at these places are really well trained at caring for the elderly. Talk to your own Dr too. Tell him/her about your mum and g'mother. Ask him for guidance on reassuring your mum. The more professional people helping you, the less alone you will feel. Try not to shoulder the responsibility for mum, g'mother, nursing home etc. If mum is worried, take her to talk to the staff.

[tria]

Hi Rhumba,

Welcome to the forums. I can hear your distress around supporting mum in your grandmother’s move into care if you are not well. Rhumba I worked in one for some years and as @pip said aged care staff are very supportive. It’s a good idea to ask them any of your questions so they know your concerns (everyone has them). As you become familiar with the home you will see it’s not the care you and mum will be involved in unless you choice to, but just being there when you can.  They will have activities grandma may like to join in and we loved it if families where involved but there were no expectations. Each family is different some work, some live elsewhere and others can only do what they can.  As @utopia said you must be well yourself. Have you talked to Mum about how she is coping? You may be able to but some casual plans in place so you know what you would like to do when you are well, make sure your concern is well placed. Rhumba you sound like a very kind and understanding person thinking about mum, not everyone has that connection, insight and concern, but remember you first works best. kindly Tria