Lived Experience Forum

[utopia]

Got notified by credit union of unusual transactions out of my account. Go and get print out of all of these. I then ring paypal & playstation network. Yep. My 13 year old has used my credit card & spent over $600 on gaming stuff. I'm furious. He was with me at the bank and said nothing. I dropped him off at his mates. I had $7 in my purse - I gave him $5.
Then when I found out what happened I droveaaround town looking for him because he wouldn't answer his mobile. Finally found him. Said he will pay me back - with what?
I told him to get out of my car & go to my mums. Not to come home tonight. I was so angry I then went to the bottle shop. I opened the fridge door, went to put my hand on the cans & then inside I just screamed NO!!!! 8 weeks today sober. I won't let him cause me to restart.
I'm furious. I'm so angry I'm shaking. He has devestated my trust in him. He knows we are struggling financially, but I give him what I can.
I'm going to take 2 of my PRN's & sleep. I'm getting so over wrought. Have to stop my negative self talk before it gets to loud.
Sorry this is not exactly normal forum talk, but I just had to put it out somewhere.

[Former-Member]

Hey @utopia. You have every right to be furious. I would too. But more than that you should be more proud of yourself. Choosing not to drink is huge under that pressure and shows how strong you are. As for your son I suggest a heap of jobs coming his way to make up for it. I'm probably in the same boat financially as you and I would be devastated and curse my son and be bloody angry at him. Good job dropping him at your mums too. I recommend you start writing a list of jobs as his consequence. It's probably better for him to see what it's going to cost him and you. Take care, it's so hard when you are in the middle of this teenage rubbish. Thinking of you and sending hugs😊💜

[utopia]

Thanks @Former-Member. He's normally a really good kid. I kept wondering why there was no money in the bank!
I had a sleep & at least thaf stopped me saying or doing anything silly.
Thanks for letting me air it. Will think of some very hard chores.

[suzanne]

Hi @utopia, I second Teej's thoughts.  Amazing self-control to stay sober which such huge provocation.  It's great that you are able to still see that 'he's normally a really good kid' so soon after this incident.  I'm afraid that my anger would have obscured that for much longer!

It sounds like you have a plan to help him understand the impact of what he did and start to repay you.  Go forth and teach that lesson 🙂

[Former-Member]

Hi @utopia, please don't think I judged you or your son. I have 4 sons aged 16-21. One was an easy teenager, one medium, one difficult and one really difficult. At one stage or another they all tested my strength and anger to its limits so I just put it down to a teenage brain fade. They still do from time to time. I have one gamer too so I can see how it would happen. I hope you are finding some peace for now. I'm sure he won't do it again. Take care😊💜

[utopia]

Thanks @suzanne & @Former-Member. Yes it was a struggle at the bottle shop. But I'm so much better without alcohol in my system. I think clearer and sleep better & depression is not so severe. I might organise for a policeman I know to talk to my son tomorrow, so that he knows what could have happened legally, if I or the bank wanted to press charges. This so isn't like him. I'm baffled.

[utopia]

No @Former-Member. I didn't take anything you said in a negative way. All comments here are non judgemental and all are helpful. Thanks.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @utopia

I don't know if it helps to hear it, but my youngest, in distress over school issues a month or so ago burned through enough internet data on her mobile phone to serve a small household ..... I was so gob-smacked cos she had already been chipped over a fraction of that use last year .....

And my second youngest spent a bomb of his money - yes it was his - on something really frivolous, and paid for a mate (who couldn't afford it) to do the same, when their friends would all have been putting that sort of money towards their first car .... and the friend ended up taking two years to pay the money back !!  I was furious with that too .... that's not the way we have raised our kids .....

I agree with @Former-Member - I would call it a teenage brain-snap.  Kids doing stupid stuff you know they know / knew they shouldn't have.  And yes, there have to be consequences - I like what @Former-Member said about making him earn it off with chores.  And the policeman talking-to is another good one !

But soooo well done to yoooouuu !!  🌟🏆🌟

Taking your hand back off that fridge handle was you taking back charge of your life ❣

Way to go Mama ❣

[utopia]

Thank you @Faith-and-Hope. I appreciate your kind words. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel better about not drinking. Just feel numb now. Stupid bloody teenagers. But tomorrow is another day. Hopefully the sun will shine. Thanks girls for your nice words.

[Appleblossom]

@utopia

Anger is a normal response to his deceit and it is hard for them to both pay it back and win back trust. $600 is a bloody lot of money.  Congrats on not mucking up your own journey re drinking.

I had a similar situation with son but it was less ... he paid it back and got real about money ... well kind of ...

It was about 8 years ago and he has never gone there again ... so it is possible to heal ... but they need to learn the damage is on quite a few levels. 

I am forgiving and a soft touch but for adulthood they need to know what it takes to run a household.  I would tighten up.

We actually struggled with a string of burgluries and had police involved ...one was his playstation so though we were insured ... it drove the message home ... about the law, money and honesty.