Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Saintgeorge]

Have dated a girl for 20 months who has a wide variety of issues which I have heard about and all are traumatic. I have then seen her want to take her life several times. I have dedicated myself to doing everything she wants and then a month ago she quit work, booked a flight and went overseas for 3 weeks. We haven't spoken and I know she is back. I love her with all my heart although I know she has also cheated. I feel betrayed in that I have done everything I can to help her and then I cop this. I feel confused, lost and so tired having had to look after her. Now that she isn't near me I feel a sense of loss but also a heavier weight on my shoulders in that I am the only person she says she has entrusted with all of her issues. So I know her pain but I can no longer help. But it also means I am carrying her secrets and that has made me depressed. Am I sounding like a person who is losing his shit or is it normal to experience this after having dated and loved someone with psychological issues?

[pip]

@Saintgeorge. You've done everything you can to help this girl regain her feelings of independence and she takes off. Are you sure she's home, have you seen her? Sorry to say this, but it sounds as though she used you to regain her independence. It sucks how she's treated you, but there's not a lot you can do, short of confronting her and asking her what's going on. I think I'd be inclined to give her one chance to explain what she's doing, where her head is etc. If you're not satisfied with her answer, or you feel she's telling lies, perhaps it might be best to put it down to experience and find someone worthy of your love. You sound a really decent guy who picked the wrong girl. People who have MI often behave in a way that leaves us wondering. Maybe she didn't want you to get too close when she returned. By all means contact her, she owes you an explanation why she left, presumably without even saying goodbye.

[Saintgeorge]

I have so wanted to contact her. She has left me devastated. I am also so afraid to call her and speak to her as I don't even know what to say. Do I tell her that she has hurt me ? Do I tell her that she has left me stranded in a terrible place ? Then I hope she calls. She called two weeks ago from overseas on viber but I did not have it switched on and missed the called. She sent a message to say sorry and she misses me. But I am scared that she doesn't know what she is doing. She is self destructive and could potentially hit me with things I am not sure I can handle. Even if she was to say I hate you or I love you I feel to weak and confused to know how to respond. The biggest mistake I made was to hold onto all the things she had told me about her last and the things I witnessed and to not tell anyone. I kept silent because I didn't want to betray her secret pain but somehow every time I think about it and what is happening now I seem to cry. I cry and I ask myself to stop and it has absolutely rocked my world. I never knew the impact that a person with psychological issues could have on the persons that love them most. Her actions hit me hard because I so oly didn't see it coming. Maybe she is incapable of love and hurts those she loves but then again I simply am guessing. I have never been the selfish type and am struggling to focus on me. I just sound like an idiot.

[pip]

Saintgeorge. It's really your call, but if you want to know what's going on and where you stand, there's only one way to know. If you feel you can't handle what she says, you can always terminate the conversation. If she say she hates you (although I doubt she would), just say something like, sorry you bothered. She may apologize for hurting you and want to see you. I 'hear' your worry and uncertainty, but till you speak to her directly, how are you going to know. Give her a call, hear what she has to say, if you feel you've wasted your time, just say you can't talk now. Are you receiving counselling for your anguish and emotional pain? Maybe you're right about her being the sort who is incapable of loving, but - again, till you talk to her, how are you going to find out. Remember, we're here if you feel rejected or hurt. You are not alone in your pain and (possibly) grief. You don't sound like an idiot, you sound extremely sensitive and caring.

[Alwaysonmymind]

@Saintgeorge It sounds like you have done everything in your power to help her get over her past insecurities and issues and she's treated you like this!! I agree with Pip did you know for sure she actually went overseas or did she just tell you that?  It is "normal" to feel sad when someone you love and care for hurts as it also hurts us too. If she gets back in contact with you, allow her to explain why she behaved the way she did and then you can explain to her how her actions affected you.  It's then up to you whether you allow her to continue to treat you this way.  Relationships are never easy and you deserve to be happy.  Good luck 

[Saintgeorge]

Yes I know she went overseas for sure and has returned. Friends have called to ask if I was with her overseas and I explained no and that we are no longer together. Shock is the common response. She literally quit work on a Wednesday booked a ticket to Greece in a Friday and left on a Sunday. She came back after 3 weeks and is back here now posting photos of Greece and etc. as if nothing ever happened between us

[Rosa]

Its lovely that you found someone you loved. Your love has helped heal another and that is a star in my books. Rediscovering yourself can give you a more positive outlook. Unfortunately expectations can lead to disappointment. Chin up, smile, and when the univse is ready you will understand more. Great you gave support to another, it will come back to you, be patient, kindness is always repaid but often not how we expect. All the Best