Lived Experience Forum

[NikNik]

Hi all,

As some may be aware, Thursday is RUOK? Day. The focus of this year's event is 'Thanks for asking"

This raises the question for me - who are you thankful to for asking you 'Are you okay?' and what did they do that helped.

I know that some can be apprehensive asking someone if they are okay, in fear they will say they are not okay and then not knowing what to do. So by sharing our stories of who we're thankful to and what they did that was so helpful, will educate those who are apprehensive and give them some guidence.

I'm happy to start 🙂

The person I'm thankful to is my best friend, who lives in another country. When she knows I'm not okay she will go to the effort of sending little messages of encouragement through facebook messenger. Knowing that someone cares enough to make the effort and not let me fall off their radar, makes all the difference.

🙂

Who are you thankful to and what did they do that helped when you weren't okay?

[Appleblossom]

I am thankful that my son is finally beginning to ask RUOK. That he is limiting his demds and hostility in my direction and making positive suggestions ... which is a huge milestone.

He is really the only one apart from the checkout chics and some posters on the forum. I express appreciation for the concern when it is a genuine.

[Eagle]

I'm thankful to my mum. Even though I don't want to go into things with her - she asks if I'm okay and rather than bugging me with questions, she makes me a cup of tea. Sometimes I will share what's going on.. and sometimes I don't, but either way she doesn't push it or judge

[kristin]

34 years ago, when I was doing VCE (year12), I was severely depressed. I was at school, my mum was away overseas for a month, I was caring for my 9yo brother, and for my dog who was so ill I had to put him down - and trying to study so I could get into vet science at Melb Uni. 

I was walking along a hallway (quite dissociated as I fuzzily recall) thinking about ways to end it. A teacher who had not taught me for a couple of years (and who was never one of my favourites, nor I hers) was walking in the opposite direction. She stopped me by calling my name. She asked me if I was ok. I said "fine" and kept going. She saved my life. Just being seen by another human who cared enough to ask made that much of a difference. It didn't stop me from being depressed, but the suicidal ideation was much less intense after that. And I'm still here today.

So Helen N, wherever you are, I'm incredibly grateful for your care. Thank you!

[Appleblossom]

I had an experience like Kristins when I ran into a teacher on Fitzroy Street as a teen  Just having a lovely chatty what have you been doing since you left school was really lovely, even though I was in the thick of it ... but it helped me to distinguish from genuine positive interactions and negative ones.

[PeppiPatty]

@Appleblossom

I am thankful to you.
When I grew up : I had a Great Aunt Helen
Who I loved very much. She was very prominent into life because My Mum used to fob me off to her for lots and lots of nights but as I grew older, it was very obvious that she suffered very badly from mental ill health issues. Anyway, enough said. I was kind of 'banned,' from seeing her before she passed away ........ Long story but the last time I saw her, I felt a lot of our ....... Stuff was healed.
I dunno.
When I write to you I feel that you would have been the 50 year old Sane Great Aunt Helen. So sometimes I'm a bit free how I write to you and I should consider your feelings more. I truly feel bad babe,

[Appleblossom]

Actually @PeppiPatty I dont think it was a bad thing to write ... but I needed to process it.  Part of my problem with isolation has been living in a vacuum.I crave real connection.

I see it now as my brittleness has cracked open .. also I try not to be long winded and then sometimes stop myself short... and the forum program also blocks a lot of words I have tried to use so I substitute something else etc. so I can see a disjointedness might be present. I am trying to be free and off the cuff myself instead of too guarded or controlled.

I am very aware of the limitations of good manners and politeness so a free honest response is actually more helpful at times for a friendship to proceed.

I dont want you to feel bad about it .. just let us keep being friends and learn to process stuff as it pops up.

I really believe that the biggest value of the forums is in having a variety of people and their responses to each other ... there is never only one way ..  your way .. my way .. and heaps of others' ways

[C8ie17]

I am a new member of these forums, and having been involved in an RUOK? Day event at my university I am so happy to see this forum and to have experienced the whole day as a whole. I did the volunteering with my friends that I met and have stayed close with since day one of uni, and thanks them for the support and friendship they have provided me with.
i also met some new friends who were new to australia and therefore I was able to give back to some newbies who were in the need of the same things that my friends provided me with!
The thing about ruok? Day is that is brings out something that we should already be doing, but forget with our busy lives, so it's great to have a day that brings us back to those important things in life

[NikNik]

@C8ie17 I completely agree!

Welcome to the Forums, by the way! Hope to see you around the place.

Nik