Lived Experience Forum

[Decadian]

Hi @Appleblossom

I have had some trouble with my computer - I think it finally needs replacing - and I can't find your post

But I do appreciate this website and I realise there is a lot more to it than I have found yet

Maybe I am "Off to see the Wizard" and if I follow the Yellow Brick Road long enough I will find the truth

I learned yesterday my psychologist is moving back to Sydney in a few months so I will have to finish up with her in a short time rather than find someone else - I don't feel like changing mid-stream

I have horrible memories that haunt me at times - they will not go away - I have to accept that all of this did happen and I am pretty much alone with it - mostly the death of my son - and I will be planning my trip soon

This is a really great web-site - I appreciate the people here and I feel appreciated - this is a pretty good score

Decadian

[eth]

Hi @Decadian which post are you looking for?  Maybe I can help.  Hope you are doing ok today.

[Decadian]

Hi @eth

My computer is very slow atm - and the post I read is a general post from Appleblossom some pages back

It was enough to answer it as I did -

I am thrilled that I found this website - I was done-in when I got back from my psychologist and I went to sleep in the chair which was not the best for my back and I usually find I am exhausted after I have spoken about my past -

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could flick a switch and turn the memories off - I feel a terrible despair about my mother - I was never close to her and in my adult life refused to put up with her venom -

I have forgiven her - that is the easy part - I can tell that she had a traumatic childhood herself - but this is no excuse for bad behaviour

I need to feel easier about opening up because I feel really bad at times - and maybe I will - in time

But this site - I can hardly believe I found it - it's so good

Decadian

[eth]

@Decadian I feel the same way about this site.

It could well be that the grief for your son building up to his anniversary is triggering other griefs to surface too.  I have had this happen in the past.  

[Decadian]

Yes @eth

This happens every year - it seems easier this year for some reason - it could be that I have found this website - or that I have been seeing a psychotherapist - or that I get a daily morning phonecall from Telecross - someone ringing up for a few minutes around 8.30am is a better way to start the day

So I have physical pain and emotional pain - and I can be honest here - emotional pain is far worse - imo - than physical pain - and my my physical pain is bad enough for me to see a pain specialist and have domestic help from the council.

And people say the same things - thoughtless things, things that are really useless -

And I have this joke - well - sort of joke

Someone told the old man that he would have to pull himself up by his own bootstraps and he replied

"I would indeed - but I can't get my boots on over my bunions"

No one who is in a bad place need not be told to pull themselves together - no one wants to battle shadows. I guess we have to live in the shadows to really know this - and truthfully - although it would be good if some people could be more understanding - we don't really want them to feel bad

Decadian

That turned into a bit of a ramble - but why not!!

[eth]

@Decadian Telecross sounds great.  Might look into volunteering with them.  Thanks for the idea.

[Silenus]

So true, @Decadian. It saddens me that there are so many people who, seeing a person struggling with their weakness, instantly judge or jump to conclusions, instead of jumping to loving compassion.

Those with mental health issues, those with chronic pain or physical disabilities (or whatever the politically correct term is these days), those who have fallen on hard financial times, those who are homeless, those who come to our shores seeking asylum...

So many people needing love, compassion, support, assistance... and instead they get pointing fingers and hate and name calling...

How could anyone hate someone else, just for being weak and in need of help? It beggars belief. I do not understand this world of humans sometimes...

Thankfully, there are lots of wonderful people too. Volunteers, peer support workers, and health and welfare professionals who do care, and who do give of themselves in loving compassion...

Hugs and happy vibes beaming to you... 🙂

[plasmo]

i think it comes from insecurity. people are angry and unsatisfied despite having a few toys and what we call success, so they'll have a crack at anyone else who they think doesn't make the cut

[plasmo]

still in my waking up phase.. ended up talking rubbish with a friend all night. feeling a bit crap for not studying.. went through a tafe site and was overwhelmed so now i remember why i wasn't bothering.

i have a hobby where i read boring technical stuff that would throw most people, but tafe and govt sites are just mind boggling for me, i just don't understand it.

[Silenus]

I think they deliberately design them to be confusing... 🙂